19th Birthday Post - My Favourite Films About Growing Up That I Watched While Growing Up

This is a really dark birthday candle picture but I think it's pretty and there's no 19th birthday photos anyway

Hi, I know, two posts in one week...damn the world must be headed for an apocalypse or something. Rather, it is my 19th birthday tomorrow. Which is interesting because I feel absolutely no excitement for this new age because it doesn't really mean anything. It is like being 17 - that awkward gap between sweet 16 and the big 18. So when it came time for me to think about doing a birthday post, I really didn't have anything to draw on because there's no such thing as R19 movies here (although there probably would be, considering that New Zealand's rating system is just ridiculous) and I've already "grown up" since I have to pay full adult price for everything now.

Seriously, it sucks having to draw my attention away from the kids menu at restaurants because I'm an adult so I have to get steak.

In my thinking, though, I came to the realisation that even though 19 isn't a particularly special milestone age, this is the first birthday in my "new life", you could say. Gone are the days of growing up in a small town, since now I've lived in Christchurch for over six months and passed my first semester of university. I no longer have to go grocery shopping with mum but I can buy chocolate whenever I want which is honestly the best part of growing up. Oh, and did I mention that I have a cinema five minutes bus ride away, with three others within a half an hour radius? If that's not cool, then I don't know what is.

In a way, 19 is a pretty important age to be. Whereas 18 is the age where you get slapped with the label "grown up", whether you're ready or not, by the time you're 19 you've done a spectacular amount of growing up. Well, I guess that's just how I feel now since a lot has changed since I turned 18 (I say this every year, but I could probably say now that just about every aspect of my life is so different from what it was last year). In celebration of that fact, here's a whole lot of films that taught me a bit about growing up while I was growing up. Don't expect John Hughes films (don't get me wrong, they had their influence), but more a bunch of films that came out at vital times in my life and gave me a bit of perspective. And yeah, things get mushy.

An Education - Earlier this year I outlined my intense love for this film, mainly because it shows the struggles of living up to unreasonable expectations in every way possible. I've always found myself to be a little bit of a Jenny, trying my best to do things that I don't really care for, working hard but hoping that there'll be a little bit of fun around the corner, and maybe being a little too 'pretentious' for my age (now I'm grown up and living with a whole lot of engineers, I'm just known as the weird Arts degree student). Just as the title suggests, it has always been a film that I go back to get an education, whether it be about getting a "real" education or an education from "the university of life".

Throwback Thursday: An Education

I really shouldn't start a feature, because as seen in the past, I've been terrible at keeping them up, but I've had this one milling over in my head quite a bit over the past few months. Anyway, the simple premise of "Throwback Thursday" is not to share cute photos of myself frolicking in fields with horses when I was five and putting them on Instagram with the dubious #tbt. Instead, it is to kinda...look back on films that aren't all that talked about any more. But mostly, films that I once loved upon release (or if I delve into classic films, probably the films that had a huge influence on me a child) and how I feel about them now that I've had some distance and am re-evaluating them. Or it could just be random movies I just watched that aren't in IMDb's top 250 or every best of list of all time.

Whatever, it's mostly just films that were not made in the past couple of years. Even though half of you are probably saying that now the Oscars are over, films like Philomena are irrelevant. Because that's generally how awards season works. But that's another post.

Anyway, the subject of this week's throwback is Lone Scherfig's An Education, which, after three years (and I used to watch this all the time), I finally gave another watch. Mainly because every time I used to watch this film, I wanted to bury my head in books and study, and last night, I needed some motivation to jam my dome full of knowledge about Indian independence.

My Movie Biography: 2010 - The Year of Christopher Nolan

(2006, 2007, 2008, 2009) 2010 was such a messed up year. I'm not sure why, but I'm pretty sure I changed my personality about 5000 times, and everyone else changed 5000 times, too. After that year, I kinda swore not to let much bother me, and just take everything a little less seriously. It seems to be working out so far. Anyway, 2010 as it was in movies:

• I went on my first actual plane ride! I went down to Christchurch, which as you know, was left devastated by two earthquakes which occurred late in 2010 and early in 2011. It was my absolute favourite place in New Zealand, mainly because of this DVD store they had there called "Alice in Videoland". Seriously, that place was magical. There were like, all of these themed room for the DVDs. Like, the horror/sci-fi room was all dark and scary. They had so many classic DVDs. The whole place was seriously like another world...kinda like how I imagine heaven. Plus, I'm pretty sure they had every DVD known to man. Yes, there's a huge difference between that DVD store and our DVD store. Unfortunately, it was damaged during the earthquake, but earlier this year it relocated and opened with an arthouse cinema. I'm definitely going down there as soon as I can afford it.
• I saw Avatar. I'm sure that was supposed to be one of those life-changing things, but it really wasn't. I'm no Avatar hater, but I'm pretty sure I was more excited over this special Avatar cup I got at the cinemas. Sadly, that cup has disappeared. 
• Say what you want about The Hurt Locker, but Kathryn Bigelow winning that Oscar for Best Director actually changed my life. Up until that moment, I had always wanted to be an actress. But when Kathryn Bigelow won that award, I realised how few female directors there were. And I thought, "why do something everyone else is doing? Let's be a director!" I still hold on to that stupid dream now, but don't expect me to be the next Bigelow.
• I did happen to win an Oscar that year. Okay, not a real one. I was a part of our school production and I won an "Oscar" for being the best performer in our group. Is this foreshadowing? 

10 Movies I Wish I Had Made

As some of you may know, in the future I wish to become a director. But we all know that that's never going to happen, because basically everyone I've talked to about it has told me that I can't do it (well not everyone, but everyone has frowned upon my career choice). However, I am one of those people who will always "chase my dreams" because I don't want to end up being something boring like an English teacher (which is where I am headed, believe you me). Anyway, here's a taste of the films I wish I had made. Not because I think I could do a better job - because I don't think anyone could - but I just wish I'd thought of these ideas and be the woman behind these films. Basically, it's a taste of the kinds of films I'd like to make in the future if I continue to chase my dreams and avoid being an English teacher...

10. (500) Days of Summer

I'm quite an old-fashioned person. I like old ideas. But what I like even more is when they have a fresh spin on them, just like (500) Days of Summer does with the already worn-out romantic comedy. Also, something else I particularly like in films are non-linear story-lines, which you will see pop up quite a few times in this list. The way that (500) Days of Summer zips and zaps back and forth, whilst giving us all a lesson about love and avoiding clichés, is something which I find simply genius. I wish that I had thought of the expectations/reality scene, too.

9. The Disappearance of Alice Creed

While this movie isn't by any means perfect, it represents two particular things I about cinema: the power of minimal sets/characters and being as low-budget as they come. I love it when movies are deceivingly simple, but they have a few twists and turns which can't be expected. And when movies have extremely simple budgets, then I like them even more. I'd never want to be the one making movies for $200 million.

8. Revolutionary Road

One thing that has always interested me is 50's suburbia, and how people seemed so suffocated by it. The best example of that is Revolutionary Road, which also happens to be a movie about a disintegrating marriage - yet another thing I'd love to make a movie about. Yes, I'm a sick person. And another reason why I would have loved to have made this movie that has nothing to do with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet? Having Michael Shannon steal the show.

7. The Double Life of Veronique

I just watched this movie yesterday, as I am becoming quite the Krzysztof Kieslowski fan. The Double Life of Veronique is an extremely clever movie which raises a lot of questions - most of those being existential questions. If there's one thing I love seeing in movies, it's existentialism. Oh, and it's beautiful to look at...not that I could ever emulate the beauty that Kieslowski was so good at creating.

6. An Education

An Education is a personal favourite of mine, which I probably love a lot more than anyone else. This is probably because this movie speaks to me on so many different levels - particularly when Jenny has her little speech about how education is boring and everybody is telling her to be bored. I don't know, it's a film which I find a lot of comfort and beauty in, and also a film which always makes me feel like studying and doing well at school...so obviously, I need to watch this movie again.

5. A Single Man

Okay, so I'm not as fashionable as Tom Ford, but I love style in movies. The more stylish, the better. Also, the more depressing, the better. Call me weird, but I quite like movies about suicide, and movies that make me feel extremely depressed. I am a happy person, though.

4. Blue Valentine

Again, here's a film with a non-linear storyline and a love story that's been given a different take. Oh, and it's another disintegrating marriage story. As I said in my review, this movie is "ingeniously depressing". Which is something that I'd love to try and do in the future.

3. Memento

Yes, this is my favourite film. I rewatched it the other day and all I can remember thinking is how much I wish I could have made this film. Obviously because of the non-linear narrative...that is bloody genius. Alas, I'm not as smart as Christopher Nolan and I'd probably end up getting confused with what I was trying to do. I could never make a film noir as smart as this one.

2. The Social Network

There is something about the internet that interests me so much, and if I can ever get around to writing this excellent screenplay I have lingering in my brain (it's not excellent) then it will have a lot to do with the way people use the internet. The Social Network has been described as the 'movie of our generation', and that's another thing that I'd love to try and do, because I'm all for our generation. Plus, I'd have lots of talking...I love listening to people talk.

1. The Virgin Suicides

While a lot of people may disagree, Sofia Coppola is one of my most favourite film-makers. She makes everything look romantic, while being perfectly simple at the same time. The Virgin Suicides is a very simple story of some teenage sisters who are suffocated by their parent's rules and simply being a teenager. There's something about being a teenager that fascinates me, and it's something which I'd love to make a film about. Or I would just love to be Sofia Coppola.

What are some movies that you wish that you had made? 

How do you know that you've 'found yourself'?

The teen movies all have it. Well, apart from the ones where teens are vampires or overly depressive bitches. Most films that focus on the lives of a teen always seem to have them hit rock bottom, and then rise again, eventually showing that they have found themselves. Now I'm going through this strange stage in my life where everything is becoming so much more clear to me and I'm, how do I put this, thinking a lot more. But no, nothing substantial has happened to me. I haven't hit anywhere near rock bottom. Being 15 years old, nearly 16, I believe I am in that phase of finding what I want out of my life. It never stops though. People constantly find themselves, change every day. There's never one point where people decide they are one thing and not the other. That's what the movies don't tell you.

Okay okay, so it's not a movie's job to tell you how to live your life. But I am easily influenced by anything, particularly movies. I watch An Education, I want to study and read French literature. I watch Black Swan, I want to be perfect. I watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off...I want my own musical number. In most of the movies I watch, characters will always have a distinct turning point and are usually as unique as they come. And yet, all the time they always seem so sure of themselves. Lately I've been wondering about my own 'character' and wondering if I have hit a turning point. So here, I seek the help of the film characters who have most influenced me in my life, and see who I really want to be. In other words, I'm just another teenager who wants to know who I am. I guess.

One of my biggest character 'idols' is Jenny from An Education. I love this film to bitty bits, which has a lot to do with how damn stylish it is, but mainly because of the heroine of the story. Jenny is a very smart girl who is always pushed to achieve with excellence and usually does, unless you are talking about Latin, one of her weaker subjects. She works hard, under a lot of pressure from her father, to go towards an education at Oxford. This means that there is little or no time for her to have any 'interests', but that's okay, because all she knows is to work hard to keep other people happy. Her first turning point, though, comes when she meets David, who is in his thirties and studied at the "University of Life". Through David she is welcomed into a world that accepts her for having interests rather than an education.

Ultimately, Jenny is betrayed by this world. While she may be having a really good time, she's thrown away all of the hard work she achieved while still at school, which will come back to bite her on the ass in future. Lessons learned from the movie? Always have interests, because they make you come alive as a person. Never underestimate the power of a good education if you're smart and a hard worker. But if you make a mistake, take it as experience and move on. The real turning point that Jenny had was the way she came back after all of that experience. She learnt about herself through something that was completely new and exciting to her. It hurt her, but she then realised that after all of that, she had enough courage to, for loss of a better word, 'rise again'.

But it all sounds like the same stuff we've heard all throughout our lives..."learn from your mistakes", "always have courage", "this is your life, not anyone elses". That doesn't make it any less true. But yes, you do learn from your mistakes, even though you pretty much regret making the mistake in the first place. It's hard to have courage when you lack confidence. Of course it's your life, but there's a lot of pressure to live up to other peoples standards. What are we supposed to do? Not care about anyone else? No. Because the one problem that lies within everyone in this world is the fact that we can't consider the needs of everyone else on this planet all of the time.

Consideration, I think, is one of my best, but most annoying traits. As I said to a couple of my friends, my motto in life is "always think of the other person". Most of the time, I always take into consideration how the other person would feel if I said I didn't like a certain movie that they love, or something along those lines. Most of the things I do are all done with a lot of consideration (just like this post...I don't expect many to read it anyway but I just needed to post it). But I reckon this attention to consideration makes me weak and unable to stand up for myself. You hear that "this is your life, not anyone elses"? I can't adhere to that. I want to make everything a lot easier for everyone else. I may not be really good at it, but that's what I aim to do. I'm a bit like good old Nina Sayers from Black Swan in that respect...I'll always say sorry, even if it makes me sound "fucking weak".

But who am I kidding? That's probably who I'd like to be. I'd like to be the nicest person on earth. I'd also like to be the makings of an awesome movie character. For example, I like to think I have a deep passion for film. But really, the only people who do that are the ones who watch lots of Italian neorealism and silent films. Me? Oh, I only just like movies. I like to watch them, and then I can tell you what is right and what is wrong. I'd like to be able to read only classic novels and revel in the works of Oscar Wilde or Shakespeare. I'd like to have this huge capacity of brain power and motivation that allows me to study for hours on end. I'd like to have all of these old fashioned interests. I'd like to live by Jenny's ideals, more than anything.

Is that me though? No. I've been living with this dream in my head for ages, but now I've pretty much realised I'm never going to be what I'd like to be. So the point of this post is not only to tell y'all why I love Jenny out of An Education or just to ramble on about 'teen' stuff (but I guess all of you are thinking that anyway and just wish I'd shut up, haha). It's to tell you what I have decided I really want out of my life. I want to continue being considerate, to try not to be cynical and to always remember that my life isn't that hard compared to others. I'll continue watching movies, even if they aren't the 'right' ones. I'll always understand the importance of a good education. When people ask me what I want to do when I'm older I'll actually tell them that I want to become a director, instead of saying "I don't really know yet" just because everyone frowns upon my career decision. But most of all, I want to have an influence on people. That's one thing I'd like to do more than anything else in the world. As Anne Frank said: "I want to go on living, even after my death." It's just a small piece of greatness that I know can be achieved...we all just have to live, though. That is how, I believe, you find yourself.

How about you? Got any characters you look up to? Any dreams and aspirations you want to be achieved?

Personality Soup, or the Movie Characters I'm Like

I've seen this been done at a few blogs, like Andy Buckle's Film Emporium, Defiant Success and Being Norma Jeane. So like the sheep that I am, I've decided to follow suit. Mainly because I have tried to start some reviews, but I'm so tired at the moment I literally can't write anything that makes sense. So here we go, easy cure for a mild case of writer's block.

Olive Penderghast in Easy A - Okay, now this is minus the whole pretending to be a slut for money thing. I really only chose her because I want to be just like Emma Stone. No, that's only partially true. Like Olive, I use lots of big words in every day conversations (though I don't have the wit that she has). And I wish that John Hughes directed my life. We're actually really alike, I'm sure we could be best friends in a better life...

Jenny in An Education - Like Jenny, I'm pretty smart (apparently) and I'm constantly pushed to do my best in things I really can't see helping me in the future. But really, all I want to do is have a little bit of fun (though I probably won't go as far as being swept off my feet by an older man) - which is probably why I watch movies. And then I fail at school because I'd rather watch movies. Oh well, just gotta keep pushing on...

Nina Sayers in Black Swan - Maybe I just wanted to have Natalie Portman on this list. Haha. No, the thing I have in common with good old Nina is my constant drive for perfection. I want perfection everywhere, whether it's schoolwork (apart from the subjects I suck at), this blog (I don't know how that is working out so far) or just life in general. I have such an unnecessary drive for perfection that I'll probably harm myself trying to get to it.

Melanie Hamilton in Gone with the Wind - I have a bit of Scarlett O'Hara in me, but I'd like to think I'm a bit more like Melanie. I've been told that I am pretty considerate, unselfish and kind. Which is something that I work hard to be. I'd probably give away my wedding ring if it meant helping a certain cause. In fact, I'd be right up the front helping a good cause. My motto in life is 'always think of the other person', so pretty much everything I say or do has the other person in mind. Just like our dear Melanie.

 Rebecca in Please Give - Another character whose pretty unselfish is Rebecca in Please Give. She gives all of the kindness in her heart to everyone else and doesn't leave any for herself. She's really just too busy caring for everyone else to even worry about what may be going on in her life. I'd love to think that I am generous too. But as far away from being selfish as I can get, the better off I'll be.


Andy Sachs in The Devil Wears Prada - Along with my kindness comes a complete inability to stand up for myself. Now, there's no Miranda Priestly type figure in my life, but I work too hard and sometimes that means that I am forced into decisions that I don't want to make. Any person would fight for their right, but not me. I just back out and run for the hills or go with it. Usually the latter. Oh, and I like to write, so I guess we have that in common.


So there's my personality, what's yours like?