Dear Hollywood: That's My Boy

There is no escaping Adam Sandler movies. Okay, there is, but that's only likely if you don't work at a DVD shop and make it a point to watch everything "big" that comes out. Why do I like torturing myself?! I wish I knew the answer. Because That's My Boy was AWFUL. WORDS CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW AWFUL IT WAS. Which makes it fine material for the Dear Hollywood series. If you need a refresher, here's the previous entries here.

Dear Hollywood,
WAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSUP?!
It is your old mate Adam Sandler here! You remember me! I'm the guy that did you proud by winning all of the Razzies with my masterpiece Jack and Jill!
After that, I've hit a bit of a lull. I don't know how I could possibly make anything worse.
Please help me.
Love from Hollywood's favourite son,
Adam Sandler

Dear Adam Sandler,
Hello, Adam. We were wondering when you were going to start campaigning for those Razzies. But how can you do that when you've already played a man and a woman in the same film? Jack and Jill really took the cake. All of it. Literally.
Why don't you just show off that stellar immaturity in a new, bold way? We're all for rebooting the same old stuff.
Love from your proud father,
Hollywood

Dear Hollywood,
Yes, that immaturity always works well, doesn't it? Once I made a whole film about adults being immature. It  was called Grown Ups. You remember that one? Only Rob Schneider got a Razzie nod for that.
I got chocolate wasted because of that.
I can't let Rob Schneider steal my spotlight!
WHAT CAN I DO?
Love from your favourite son, 
Adam Sandler

A Conversation with Jack and Jill

It has been a little while since Christopher has been at the mic of another discussion with a movie, but he has had to brace himself for something as crappy as Jack and Jill. The record-holder for winning the most Razzies in history (hint: it won all of them) and being probably one of the WORST movies I've ever seen, certainly didn't make for easy watching last night, but as with all bad movies, it is fun to rip into them. Which I'm sure is just what Christopher, the sarcastic, dry piece of witty imagination that he is, will do. If he doesn't want to gouge his eyeballs out, first.

CHRISTOPHER: After going through an entire conversation with Safe House sticking a gun in my face, I think it's high time that I talk to the multi-award winning Jack and Jill. What an honour. So, Jack and Jill, how does it feel to have so many accolades to your name?
JACK AND JILL: It feels GOOD!

C: Why do you feel the need to yell at me in a really high-pitched voice? I'm right next to you.
JAJ: I just want you to realise how dumb you look because you don't have as many awards as me!

C: That's right, I don't. 
JAJ: Shame on YOU!

C: No no, I have no shame. As you can plainly see, I'm a man being a man. You are a man being a woman. And also being a man. Both of which are really silly.
JAJ: Silly?! You don't know the meaning of silly!

C: Oh no, I'm fairly sure I do. If I were to look up the definition of 'silly' in the dictionary I have no doubts that I would find 'Jack and Jill'. 
JAJ: No you wouldn't! That's not possible! Al Pacino is one of my stars!

C: And he calls himself 'Dunkaccino' in it.
JAJ: Well...yeah.

C: And he pretends to be in love with Adam Sandler dressed as a woman.
JAJ: That is totally fine! I'm all for equality!

C: So that's why you have a whole lot of offensive jokes to spurt out?
JAJ: They're FUNNY jokes!

C: Nope. They're silly jokes.
JAJ: Your face is a silly joke.

C: That was a silly joke.
JAJ: You're a silly joke.

C: Is that seriously all you can come up with?
JAJ: Nope. I'll tell you a joke. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

C: I don't know, why did the cookie go to the hospital?
JAJ: Because he felt crummy.

C: Wow. You didn't just get that from Googling 'lame jokes'. 
JAJ: That's right, I didn't. But Googling 'lame jokes' is actually really helpful. That's how my script was written.

C: Do you want to hear my joke?
JAJ: What's that?

C: How did Jack and Jill wind up with so many awards?
JAJ: Because I'm the best Adam Sandler film EVER?!

C: Because all of the awards it won were Razzies! HA.
JAJ: *silence*

C: Thank goodness, I found a way to shut Adam Sandler up. For five minutes.
JAJ: That's My Boy is in cinemas now! Y'all have to go see it because no-one else has!

What I got: