Monday, May 23, 2011

A Conversation with L.A. CONFIDENTIAL

I'll admit, I have a lot of trouble reviewing films that are already regarded as 'classics'. I don't know why that is, but I just feel so late to the party or something to that effect. So, instead of going 100% on a review on the great L.A. Confidential, let's just imagine for a second that I am the movie, and I'm going to tell you why I rock.

No more Stevee, just L.A. Confidential. And let's call our interviewer...ah, Christopher, since I really want a cat called Christopher.

CHRISTOPHER: Hello, L. May I call you that? It's a lot easier.
L.A. CONFIDENTIAL: You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.

C: Ah...okay, L it is. So tell me a bit about yourself.
L: I'm a cop movie. You see, these three cops, Vincennes, White and Exley, they're all trying to figure out this murder case, in their own ways. Vincennes, he likes to arrest movie stars so he can get a bit of money off his tabloid-editor friend Sid Hudgens. White is a bit of a violent one, and he ends up with this hooker who looks like Veronica Lake, who may know a thing or two about this case. Exley is the rookie cop kind of guy who like to think that he is better than everyone else, when really, everyone likes to make fun of him and his ridiculous glasses. Their stories all combine into a film that rivals some of the old film noir, with plenty of intrigue and style.

C: Your stars?
L: They may have liked to bill Kevin Spacey first, but I promise you that was only for promotional reasons. Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce, two Aussies at the beginning of their big-time careers, are probably the most prominent stars in the film, with Spacey becoming a secondary character. Kim Basinger, who seems to have vanished of late, plays the Veronica Lake-lookalike hooker Lynn Bracken. That earned her an Oscar. Danny DeVito is quite funny as that reporter Hudgens. James Cromwell plays the dodgy detective and David Strathairn is the owner of an escort agency which has girls cut out to look like movie stars. Hence why Lynn looks like Veronica Lake.

C: In one sentence, describe what type of movie you are:
L: I would say that I'm a very stylish film noir, exquisitely made and always interesting to watch.

C: Why are you so stylish?
L: Being a movie set in the 1950's, everything has to look great. Especially because I'm set in Hollywood, amongst the movie stars. But while I'm glamorous and everything, I still look cheap. I'm not really set amongst the movie stars...sure, they pop up sometimes, but really, all the people that you think are movie stars are probably hookers. Or there are the people who really want to be movie stars. How annoying they are. Basically, people drink in bars that don't look that great, they hang around the back-streets and they take drugs which aren't high class. Cheap. But it's stylish.

C: How about the violence in this film?
L: Oh, there's a lot of violence. People bashing each other senseless, guns shooting everything in view, people with their throats's not pretty.

C: Would you say that it is needlessly violent?
L: *scoffs*  I doubt you've ever taken a stupid breath. Don't start now.

C: Okay...What would you say your greatest feature is?
L: Obviously the good looking Guy Pearce. *awkward silence* Okay, the script. My script is really good. It's filled with some great lines. In fact, I think I'm pretty funny.

C: So, final question, recommend yourself to someone who hasn't seen you before?
L: I'm the best movie of 1997, not that movie about that boat sinking. I didn't even cry in that once.

C: That's an adequate description. Anyway, must be off. Got a hot date.
L: Yeah? Who is she and what did you arrest her for?

Anyway, my rating:


  1. That f---ing awesome! You must make a weekly feature out of this!

    As for the film, yeah, it's great and stylish.

  2. Just saw this film over the weekend, and I have to say that I really did enjoy myself, just not as much as I was expecting. Good post too! It was hilarious!

  3. That was a good idea for your blog. You should make a weekly feature out of this.

  4. Very cool post.

    But I didn't like this film much, of course Guy Pearce was awesome but on the whole the film just really didn't impress me much. I felt it was a good film, but nothing exceptional.

  5. Lesya - I was thinking about making it a weekly feature. If I have a good movie to do it on next week, then I might. I'm actually surprised at how well it turned out!

    Dan - The first time I saw it, I was a bit 'meh'. But then I watched it again and totally got into it! Thanks!

    James - I will try!

    Jack - Thanks!
    Yeah, I was a bit like you the first time I watched it. But then I watched it again two days later and got into it. I don't think it was as good as everyone made it out to be, though.

  6. Ahaha awesome way of reviewing a movie Stevee! This is one of my favorite movie.

  7. Clever idea. I've always loved L.A. Confidential and you've provided a pretty satisfactory review. It's a shame Kim Basinger would go on to continue making (frankly) shitty movies. She was really good in this, but it seemed like a one hit wonder.

  8. Castor - You really think so? This is one of my favourite movies now too.

    magnoliaforever - Thanks! Kim Basinger was really good in this, but I don't know why she hasn't done much else. I mean, it's not like she's a bad actress.

  9. This is so ironic, I just reviewed this as well.

    Your review is better though. I love the conversation format, so fresh. DO IT MORE PLEASE.


You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.


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