A Conversation with L.A. CONFIDENTIAL

I'll admit, I have a lot of trouble reviewing films that are already regarded as 'classics'. I don't know why that is, but I just feel so late to the party or something to that effect. So, instead of going 100% on a review on the great L.A. Confidential, let's just imagine for a second that I am the movie, and I'm going to tell you why I rock.

No more Stevee, just L.A. Confidential. And let's call our interviewer...ah, Christopher, since I really want a cat called Christopher.

CHRISTOPHER: Hello, L. May I call you that? It's a lot easier.
L.A. CONFIDENTIAL: You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.

C: Ah...okay, L it is. So tell me a bit about yourself.
L: I'm a cop movie. You see, these three cops, Vincennes, White and Exley, they're all trying to figure out this murder case, in their own ways. Vincennes, he likes to arrest movie stars so he can get a bit of money off his tabloid-editor friend Sid Hudgens. White is a bit of a violent one, and he ends up with this hooker who looks like Veronica Lake, who may know a thing or two about this case. Exley is the rookie cop kind of guy who like to think that he is better than everyone else, when really, everyone likes to make fun of him and his ridiculous glasses. Their stories all combine into a film that rivals some of the old film noir, with plenty of intrigue and style.

C: Your stars?
L: They may have liked to bill Kevin Spacey first, but I promise you that was only for promotional reasons. Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce, two Aussies at the beginning of their big-time careers, are probably the most prominent stars in the film, with Spacey becoming a secondary character. Kim Basinger, who seems to have vanished of late, plays the Veronica Lake-lookalike hooker Lynn Bracken. That earned her an Oscar. Danny DeVito is quite funny as that reporter Hudgens. James Cromwell plays the dodgy detective and David Strathairn is the owner of an escort agency which has girls cut out to look like movie stars. Hence why Lynn looks like Veronica Lake.

C: In one sentence, describe what type of movie you are:
L: I would say that I'm a very stylish film noir, exquisitely made and always interesting to watch.

C: Why are you so stylish?
L: Being a movie set in the 1950's, everything has to look great. Especially because I'm set in Hollywood, amongst the movie stars. But while I'm glamorous and everything, I still look cheap. I'm not really set amongst the movie stars...sure, they pop up sometimes, but really, all the people that you think are movie stars are probably hookers. Or there are the people who really want to be movie stars. How annoying they are. Basically, people drink in bars that don't look that great, they hang around the back-streets and they take drugs which aren't high class. Cheap. But it's stylish.

C: How about the violence in this film?
L: Oh, there's a lot of violence. People bashing each other senseless, guns shooting everything in view, people with their throats slit...it's not pretty.

C: Would you say that it is needlessly violent?
L: *scoffs*  I doubt you've ever taken a stupid breath. Don't start now.

C: Okay...What would you say your greatest feature is?
L: Obviously the good looking Guy Pearce. *awkward silence* Okay, the script. My script is really good. It's filled with some great lines. In fact, I think I'm pretty funny.

C: So, final question, recommend yourself to someone who hasn't seen you before?
L: I'm the best movie of 1997, not that movie about that boat sinking. I didn't even cry in that once.

C: That's an adequate description. Anyway, must be off. Got a hot date.
L: Yeah? Who is she and what did you arrest her for?

Anyway, my rating:

Reviews Round Up, Part 1: American Beauty, The Disappearance of Alice Creed, Red, The American

In the midst of my Classic Movie Marathon, I was still watching a lot of movies (thank you school holidays). Therefore, I have a lot to catch up on. So, sorry, long reviews fans, I'm just going to give some quick paragraph long reviews otherwise I'll never catch up, though you can expect a lengthy review on Thor coming veeeeery soon.

American Beauty

I was hoping to do a full length review on this one, but I kinda thought that since I’m incredibly late to the party and most people have seen it,  I won’t bother. I can’t really add much to what everyone else has said about the film over the past 12 years. I loved this movie. The performances, the script, the direction, everything. It just felt so real. Some people have pointed out that this film has aged so quickly since it was very ‘in the moment’ when it was released, but I didn’t have a problem with that. Sure, a few things have changed, but this film still captures the world of suburban boredom and discontent so well, and it does still seem quite relevant. Kevin Spacey was positively spectacular in the lead role, with his sarcastic and cynical outlook on life. Watching him with drama queen Annette Bening was great too, they really played the part of an unhappy marriage quite well. Thora Birch was also a believable teen, and one which I felt compelled to relate to in so many instances. Mena Suvari did a brilliant job as the popular dream girl, and I felt so happy once we found out the truth about this girl, because I know there are a lot of people like her. Alan Ball did a wonderful job with the script, using every trick in the book to convey a believable world. From this to the wonderful True Blood, I think he might just be my favourite person right now. Sam Mendes, too, did an exceptional job of directing, considering he made this so early in his career. This really hit the heights of modern film-making.

What I hoped for:

What I got:

The Disappearance of Alice Creed

2010 was really the year to release movies with minimal sets. Like Devil, 127 Hours and Buried. The Disappearance of Alice Creed, a British kidnapping thrilled set almost entirely in a run-down house, is every bit as good as the other movies. Sure, the film may go astray a few times, and it really loses some ground as the movie goes on, but I found it simply reeling with intensity. As the film goes on, it gets increasingly hard to watch, as it really throws you in the position of Alice in a small way. The dynamic between she, Vic and Danny was also very interesting, even though I felt that we found out the truth way to soon, leaving little to be desired for the rest of the film. In saying that, I was completely and utterly entertained throughout the whole thing, and despite it's many flaws, I just kept going with the flow happily. From start to finish, it was an enjoyable thrill ride with a truly haunting end. By far the greatest thing about the film was seeing Gemma Arterton finally in a role worthy of her talents. After seeing her dabble in that blockbuster business (Clash of the Titans, Prince of Persia), she gets down and dirty and seems to be at home when she is just being natural. I can't wait to see future projects with her in it similar to this one, though if a few people in high places see this, hopefully she'll get a bigger break.

What I hoped for:

What I got:

Red

I admit, I need to watch this one again. While I liked it, and thought it was quite funny, everyone in Dannevirke has been going absolutely nutters for it. And fair enough, I think this is just a little too high above my age group, since it's all about old peeps with their guns. But hey, Helen Mirren, shooting people? Now that makes for a good movie! I swear that woman can do anything! And when Helen Mirren is in a film, you know the class level goes up a bit. Though you could say that this movie is pretty classy, as it has one of the better casts of recent history. You take Bruce Willis, you give him a little bit to do, some downright cool action scenes and tell him to smile a few times. Then you get John Malkovich to play a complete nutso. And along comes Morgan Freeman, taking a break from being God or narrator in Alec Baldwin's dreams to kick some ass. Mary Louise Parker also comes for the ride as the confused girlfriend of old Willis, and she's fun, too. Oh, and Kiwi man Karl Urban continues his Hollywood rise being a guy who always looks angry. The cast do lift this a hell of a lot, and it's a really fun ride. If only more Hollywood action comedies could be a bit more like this.

What I hoped for:

What I got:

The American

I do like slow movies. As long as I have the willpower to really get into them and dissect all the hidden themes . Which usually takes me a couple of watches. The American is a damn slow movie. Yet, in all it's slowness, in all the minimal things that happen, you really get to just bask in the glory of beautiful cinematography. Jaw droppingly beautiful cinematography. And then you get to bask in the glory of a mostly silent, completely charmless George Clooney. It's hard, but there it is. The story is quite interesting, as it unfolds slowly. The set pieces and the various beautiful women are great to look at. Yeah, this movie is all about the aesthetics. If aesthetics are enough, then there is a 75% chance you'll love this movie. The ending is absolutely haunting. However, I do admit to succumbing to boredom while watching this movie, and definitely wasn't wowed by it at all. It wasn't anything special, it was just an incredibly stylish and stunning piece of cinema. It's not a movie, it's cinema. Which will be a little too hard for the mainstream audiences to grasp, but that's just the way it rolls, Holmes.

What I hoped for:

What I got: