Saturday, December 11, 2010

DVD--The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

or: The death of the sanity of young girls.

One word to sum it up: Lacklustre.

Again, if you happen to be a fan of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, then this is a good place for you not to be. I am most definitely not a fan of this atrocious romp about vamps and wolves, mainly because of it's gross love story and off the mark writing and direction. Also, teen magazines seem to overload on this shit, which has actually turned me against some of the girls (and middle aged women) who like it. What the hell is wrong with you? Eclipse isn't a film, it's just a reason to waste our time looking at some poofy vampire, a stoned girl and a guy with a body made of steroids and a face which hasn't reached puberty yet.

Bella (Kristen Stewart) once again finds herself surrounded by danger as Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her love for Edward (Robert Pattinson) and her friendship with Jacob (Taylor Lautner)...knowing that her decision has the potential to ignite the struggle between vampire and werewolf. With her graduation quickly approaching, Bella is confronted with the most important decision of her life.

Let's see...people who love the series to death, own the entire book series, have walls plastered with posters of R-Pattz and Taylor Lautner, and have plenty of Twilight memorabillia, they will love this third installment. People who have never seen the series before won't understand it and therefore won't get quite a kick out of it. People like me, who are just following the series for the hell of it, will find themselves laughing at this movies helplessness and immaturity. Almost everything about it is wrong. Apart from the fact that this is a slight step up from the horribleness that was New Moon.

David Slade's direction is welcomed when it comes to handling the action sequences (and, thank God, there are more of those), but even they are reduced to being laughable. Sometimes I wonder if these guys have ever watched any real vampire films (if there are any)...because I don't think that vampires are made of cement. But again, despite the new director, we are seeing more soppy and almost creepy direction when it comes to the love scenes. Another thing that goes wrong in this film is the overstuffing of characters who do not need to be there. Yeah, they were in the books, but they just don't work as well in the movie. It's like asking the entire cast of Valentine's Day to be in one scene together and to know each other as if they were best friends. In other words, it doesn't work.

I can't review this film without going on about the three leads. Kristen Stewart may have once been talented, but it's like Twilight killed that talent. I feel kinda sorry for her, because people will forever know her as Bella Swan and won't recognize her much better work in the likes of Adventureland and The Runaways. But even then, her heavy reliance on blinking and pushing her hair back is just a tad annoying. Robert Pattinson basically has no future now. He'll forever be that creepy Edward Cullen, and while that may be good for his bank account and popularity, it won't be good for the future of his career. Enjoy it while it lasts. Taylor Lautner is just an example of a hot young actor who never had a future anyway. He's not particularly good in this (I mean, who is? Apart from Anna Kendrick), and I'm guessing people only like him because of his looks. What makes it worse is the lacklustre material that these actors feel obligated to drone out with little or no inflection, making this a boring two hours. Unless you take the piss out of it. Now that makes this movie worth watching.

THE VERDICT: What do you want me to say? It was awful. But it was better than New Moon, so it deserves extra points for that.



  1. Pretty much summed up everything that the Twilight Saga is and always will be. (Apart from all that must-be-with-a-man-to-be-happy jibe) Thank the lord I haven't seen this one.

    I think Kristen Stewart won't drown herself completely with this 'role' as she has a little too much dignity to let herself forever be known as Bella Swan (it's pretty obvious she hates the films now too.)

    Oddly enough, Lautner seems to be getting shit loads of leading roles in blockbuster-ish films. Well, I guess it's not that odd, as long as the little girls come flocking, he'll be earning a far about of dough.

    In New Moon, I think he was the only one I could particularly stand - he's not that awful. Or maybe Eclipse makes him as awful as the rest of the lot?

    There is no denying I think even Twilight haters are looking forward to seeing how that birth pans out in the next one. Because that is just too fucked up for words.

    From the trailer alone, the fight scene looked like about 10 guys and girls having a pitiful punch up in the school playground. And oh lord, I could not contain the laughter when those 15 or so Vampires came out of the water in their Abercrombie and Fitch style clothing - SO BAD ASS.

    Good review anyway xD

  2. Ha, I thought Taylor Lautner was particularly bad in this one. I don't know why, but he's just pretty wooden and a little too girlish for my liking. the hell are they going to do the birth? The first few chapters of the book will be so hard to do on film because they still have to keep them tween friendly. It's going to be interesting...

    HAHA. I loved that scene where the vampires came out of the water. It was so freaking funny! Best part of the movie, in my mind.

  3. Oh, in look terms (going all teenage girl here and vain like) I can't stand the way Lautner looks.

    I've always been one (well, now that I am older anyway) who would side with someone you actually looks like, well, a man. And there is something about beefed up dudes that is so unattracitve.

    Take Channing Tatum for example, my friend loves him (in look terms) but I can't stick him (in looks and acting) He is like the ultimate beef-cake as well.

    The birth will be interesting to see. Seriously, I can't understand how that book hasn't got some backlash from that weird almost paedophilic Jacob and that baby with the stupid name, not to mention all the B movie shit going on (you know, it does have the ingrediants to be a perfect B movie)

    Maybe I should just watch it to see that part? I know my friend will have it on DVD, but she'd probably get upset with me laughing at it when it's not supposed to be funny (as I heard there is one wisecrack joke in it about Jacob not wearing a shirt or something)


You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.


Related Posts with Thumbnails