"You're in love with a fantasy."

Film: Midnight in Paris
Year: 2011
Writer/Director: Woody Allen
Starring: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Marion Cotillard, Kurt Fuller, Mimi Kennedy, Michael Sheen, Nina Arianda, Carla Bruni, Alison Pill, Corey Stoll, Tom Hiddleston, Kathy Bates, Adrien Brody, Léa Seydoux. 
Running time: 94 min.
NOTE: This probably has spoilers in it. But by now you should have seen the film, really. If you haven't, I suggest you do straight away.

Let's face it: all of us, at one point or another, have wished that we were born in another era. I myself would have loved to have been around during the transition from silent to sound cinema, living in Hollywood. Gil Pender (Owen Wilson), Woody Allen's latest hero, wishes that he was around in 1920's Paris. While he accepts that he could never go there, he seems intent on creating a life for him and his fiancée Inez (Rachel McAdams) similar to his dream, and insists that they should stay in Paris forever, where they're currently on holiday. Gil is in love with this city, and decides to take a stroll at midnight. He is picked up by a 1920's style car, and transported to the world he has dreamed of. Along his journey he meets people like Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald (Tom Hiddleston and Alison Pill), Ernest Hemingway (Corey Stoll) and Salvador Dalí (Adrien Brody), who all help inspire him while he is writing a novel. Gil goes back to this place every night at midnight, and ends up falling in love with Adriana (Marion Cotillard), who wishes that she was around during the La Belle Époque, which she thinks is the Golden Age of Hollywood, as opposed to 1920's Paris.

"You've done some bad things, sweetie": Holy Rollers, Hall Pass, The Mechanic and The Warrior's Way

You remember how around a month ago, when I was wallowing in the pain of getting my tonsils out, I had a big clump of movies which I found really bad? Bad enough to get the "You've done some bad things, sweetie rating? Yeah well, that has happened again. Except this time there wasn't anything that made the experience really bad. Okay, Holy Rollers was watched during a thunderstorm, Hall Pass was watched after I'd been walking around in the rain, and The Mechanic and The Warrior's Way were watched last night when...uh, I had a blister on my foot? Yeah, these were just really mediocre flicks.

So, without further ado, here are my paragraph long reviews on movies which don't deserve I can't be bothered doing full reviews on.

Holy Rollers

Jesse Eisenberg was once this awkward geeky actor that everyone was billing as 'the next Michael Cera!' That was until he got nominated for an Oscar for playing an awkward geeky guy. But even though I love Jesse dearly, I can't help but be a little worried that he might not ever get nominated again, or, heaven forbid, ever get out of the Michael Cera mold. I thought that Holy Rollers had the right sounding material to ensure Jesse's acting extraordinaire future, but I could see Cera playing his part. The part in question is that of a Hasidic Jew named Sam who lives in an Orthodox Jewish community and is destined to become a Rabbi. Well, that's until some 'cool' Jew by the name of Yosef (played by Doug from The Hangover - Justin Bartha) decides to get Sam into dealing some ecstasy. And this is the true story of how ecstasy got into America via some Hasidic Jews. The problem with this true story is that it sounds exciting, but it really wasn't. I tried really hard to like Holy Rollers, believe me. Unfortunately, the movie moved quite slowly and there wasn't a lot really happening as such. This was due to it's overly cliched script and it's lack of depth into any of the characters. However, Jesse was brilliant in his role, with the awkward air hanging around him and all. Bartha, too, was impressive, even though his character fell prey to the lack of dimension. Just the rest of it felt like a wasted opportunity: the good premise, the interesting insight into Jewish life, and Ari Gaynor's character, who was pretty much just a sex object. It was such a shame that this didn't work.

Hall Pass

Every one I've spoken to absolutely loved this movie. My question is, why? Sure, there were some very funny parts. But when I went into this movie I was hoping for something similar to The Hangover - lots of fun without any consequences. Because, after all, a 'hall pass' and a night out on the town with the boys are pretty much the same thing, right? Hmmmm. The problem with Hall Pass is also it's best feature: the guys that have been granted a week off marriage never actually commit to anything that would hurt their significant others. That's all good, because in most movies, the guys are always doing all sorts of stuff and they're always the bad ones. But because of it's attention to all of this heart and domestic values, there are a lot of laughs missing. In fact, there's a whole lot of laughs missing from most of it. I just don't find Owen Wilson very funny anymore, as he is definitely better being a little more serious. In this movie, he barely gets any of the laughs, instead pushing across this movies dark undertone. Jason Sudeikis, on the other hand, is hilarious, especially in the scene where he tries out all of these different pick up lines on chicks. I am really warming to Sudeikis. But other than a few laugh at loud jokes, Hall Pass is trying so hard that it's not funny. At least it's a hell of a lot better than the Farrelly's last movie, The Heartbreak Kid.

The Mechanic

I really dislike Jason Statham. All I've seen him do is say 'menacing' things in his weird little voice, whilst walking around without any emotion. And then he goes and beats the bejesus out of someone. Yes, there's not much different about him in The Mechanic. In fact, this movie was everything that I thought it would be: mindless violent with lots of killing and guns. Except it stars Ben Foster, whom I loved in The Messenger. Sure, this isn't the best that he could have starred in, but he makes it work, somehow. With his good acting skills and Statham's...ah...persona, their relationship is surprisingly interesting. Especially seeing as their relationship is based on betrayal: the Statham is an assassin who has to train Foster who just so happens to be the son of someone Stathe killed. Now, while this is an okay premise, it's riddled with the same old cliches you expect to find in the average action thriller. The end is especially cliched. I really don't have much else to say about The Mechanic, I've pretty much forgotten it already even though it's been barely 24 hours since I saw it. All I remember is the mind numbing violence which I didn't find fun at all.

The Warrior's Way

I never watch films like The Warrior's Way. You know, the kinds with Asian assassins and ninjas and...clowns. The ones that look like video games. The ones with more slow-mo then you can shake a stick at. I would have given it a miss, but the promise of Geoffrey Rush starring in it made this seem like a bit of a better time. I'll admit, he wasn't in this as much as I would have liked him to be, but he made it a bit better. However, this is a prime example of why I usually ditch these sorts of films. I found it very over the top, using style over substance far more often then it needed to, and the lead actor, who remained silent for a lot of it, Dong-gun Jang, was so awfully blank that it hurt to watch him. He was impressive in the action sequences, but nothing more. The action sequences...well, they really were something else. It was exactly like watching a dramatization of a video game. A bad dramatization, that is. I really didn't dig all of the style that went into it, even though I do admire their effort. Apparently this film was made in NZ. I wouldn't have been able to tell. The cinematography is great, and I'm sure that everything looks like a set for a reason. But when I picture NZ, I picture lush green forests and pastures...none of that was present here, thanks to the whole thing practically having a green screen as the backdrop. If there was one thing that I did like about this movie was the Eastern/Western clash, but that was by no means enough to make this film passable.

Of course, all of these movies got this lovely rating:

Got any thoughts on these movies?

A Conversation with How Do You Know

Yes, usually I have a convo with movies that are widely seen and are regarded as 'must-sees'. But I haven't watched any of those this week (unless you count the entire X-Men series, but I'm saving them for a later post). So for this week's edition, our trusty film-interviewing man Christopher is going to chat to How Do You Know, a rom-com bomb starring Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd and Jack Nicholson.

(Newbies: There is no way that I actually talked to a film. This is just based on a bad characterisation of a movie. And Christopher, the interviewer, is not based on anyone living or dead. He's just named after a ginger cat which I don't have because Mum won't let me have it. So this is as good as it gets for me.)

CHRISTOPHER: Thank goodness I'm out of the middle of nowhere, and I'm back to civilisation. But hey, I'm chatting to How Do You Know, which was made for $120,000,000. Talk about fancy, right?
HOW DO YOU KNOW: Yes, well I guess it is hard getting such popular actors like Reese, Owen, Paul and Jack. Okay, maybe not Paul, he stars in a lot of different stuff. But Reese? Oh, she's like America's little sweetheart. She was in that really popular movie Legally Blonde. And she got big. She won an Oscar and BOOM! Popularity. Her performance in Legally Blonde sure was Oscar-bait though, so I'm glad she won for her portrayal of a mentally challenged yet very fashionable young lady.

C: She didn't win an Oscar for Legally Blonde. She won an Oscar for Walk the Line.
HDYK: What?! I always thought she was more suited to playing a fluffy romantic lead. Because she's always Oscar-worthy in that role. Which is why I chose her.

C: Why did you choose Owen and Jack?
HDYK: Owen is just an all-round good guy. I loved him in Marley & Me. I really wanted to see him play that kind of role again. So I couldn't make his dog die again. But I could wreck his relationship, which would be almost as sad. Old Owen didn't want just Marley & Me though. He wanted to dumb it up a bit. Which I thought suited the rest of me. Fortunately, he was a bit of light relief. Isn't it fun watching dumb people being dumb?

C: In moderation...
HDYK: It's fun. Just agree with me.

C: Well, not the way you put it. But I guess Owen did provide some light relief. But please explain to me why Jack Nicholson was in this movie.
HDYK: Because he seems exactly like the kind of actor who you give a backseat role to. And he hasn't been in a movie since The Bucket List so I'm sure people have forgotten about him.

C: Oh yes of course, because you forget about an actor who currently holds the record for the most Oscar wins as a male.
HDYK: Hey, it's not my fault that he was in The Bucket List. Sheesh. He's found a good niche being on auto-pilot though.

C: Well, at least his version of auto-pilot is somewhat good. Now, tell me some plot details.
HDYK: Plot details? You seriously want plot details from a romantic comedy?

C: No, I just asked that to be funny.
HDYK: In that case, even I admit that your one joke is funnier than my several attempts at joking around.

C: That is probably true. But I still want some plot details, as my readers probably want to know why you think you're so different.
HDYK: Uh. It's about baseball. It's a sports movie! At heart, anyway. Okay, so there's a baseball player, Lisa (our dear Reese), who like, sorta starts going out with another baseball player, Matty (Owen). But Matty is a bit of a douchebag, and you usually see Lisa angry at him a lot. As if she doesn't have enough trouble, George (Paul), who is a pretty annoying, pessimistic and borderline depressive (no, he's just depressing to watch) comes into her life. He has a bit to be angry about though, because he pretty much faces some bad legal action. Alas, the story is all about Lisa trying to found out whether she can ever be in love or not, which must be a pretty annoying question when she just got cut from her baseball team due to her age. In fact, Lisa's story is just pretty annoying.

C: So you're saying that you are different because you're annoying?
HDYK: No, because just about every romantic comedy is annoying. I am different because I try to hide the fact that I am just a silly comedy. I try to hide myself behind a slick and witty dramatic veneer. Because I like to look a lot smarter than I actually am, I try to look as slick as my promising cast, and I want people to think that I am not your average look at love. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I take myself far too seriously even though I do say some stupid things, I can't hide behind my good cast when they aren't entirely on form and I'm sure people have probably seen something similar to this before. One thing I do have over other romantic comedies is the fact that my lead female character isn't actually that annoying (even though her story is). It's actually one of the male lead characters who is really annoying. That's George, by the way. He is so awkward it hurts.

C: Even though "you take yourself too seriously", is there still a good time to be had?
HDYK: There are a few laughs here and there. Good, decent laughs. Otherwise, the two hour running time can get a bit tedious.

C: I feel awful making you say how bad you are. You tried, you really tried, but something didn't work.
HDYK: Deception worked for me.

C: Indeed it did.
HDYK: I broke a few lamps when people didn't like me. But I had to stop since I only earned a quarter of my budget back and I didn't wouldn't add another $1,000,000 to my losses. Never again will I hire such seasoned actors for something which no one wants to see.

C: Any last words?
HDYK: "Never drink to feel better, drink to feel even better!" Except I can't drink at all...since I lost so much money...

My rating for the film: