10 Things I Learned Thanks to 2011 Films

Now we're into 2012, it is time to make those new year's resolutions. To do that, we usually try to draw on the experiences and lessons we learned in the previous year in order to see what we can do better this year. So if you need a little help, here are some things that I learned thanks to watching films released in 2011. They're valuable lessons, indeed...(there might be some spoilers here, especially for #1)

10. It is possible to be a walking photoshopped figure.
Film: Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Teacher: Ryan Gosling
2011 was undoubtedly the year of Ryan Gosling. He had a couple of star turns in Drive and The Ides of March, but what we will all remember him for is his unreal physique in Crazy, Stupid, Love. It was so unreal that it caused Emma Stone to exclaim "seriously?! It's like you're photoshopped!" Only the Gos could be a walking photoshopped figure.

9. Apparently, Kate Hudson can do whatever the hell she likes and you can still be friends with her.
Film: Something Borrowed
Teacher: Kate Hudson
Something Borrowed taught me a lot of things: like people still make crappy rom-coms and films comprised of completely detestable characters. The most detestable of those characters was Darcy, played by Kate Hudson, who was just plain horrible. She stole her best friend's 'best friend', even though it was obvious that they didn't have a connection. She slept around. She didn't even care about her husband-to-be...just the wedding. And yet, everyone still liked her. Rachel (her best friend) still stuck around, even though I would have cut off the friendship once school finished. Dex (her fiancée) didn't connect with her spirited nature, and yet he was still determined to marry her. So if you wanna be able to do whatever the hell you like and have people still stick by you, you just have to be Kate Hudson.

8. Don't piss off an Olsen twin.
Film: Beastly
Teacher: Mary-Kate Olsen, Alex Pettyfer
She may look a bit questionable, but if you piss her off, she'll make you look even more questionable. I'm not kidding. Alex Pettyfer had to learn that the hard way. But the Olsen means well: what she is really trying to do is teach Pettyfer the valuable life lesson that looks aren't everything. Apparently.

7. Wear slutty clothing and BAM! Female empowerment.
Film: Sucker Punch
Teacher: Zack Snyder, several young actress hotties
According to Zack Snyder, Sucker Punch was supposed to be an epic fantasy film which promotes female empowerment. So if we were to take his message literally, this is what we'd have to do to feel empowered: kill a baby dragon, fight large ninjas, fighting robots, fighting soldiers...all while wearing revealing clothing. Yeah, that would make me feel empowered. Sorry, Zack, you really tried, but your little rape-fantasy movie did not make me feel great about being a girl at all. All you did was make a movie for teenage boys.

6. Can't afford to take part in an exercise boot camp? Hide behind a tree and join it for free...and if you get caught, pretend you're dancing in the park.
Film: Bridesmaids
Teacher: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph
There's something that I never thought of: it is really easy to join in on exercise boot camps that happen in the park. Though I'm not sure why they couldn't just go for a run or something. I also never thought that dancing in the park would be a good cover for it...in fact, I don't think pretending to dance in the park would be a good cover for anything. But that won't stop me from attempting it, someday.

5. You may think that you're watching a nice little drama starring Brad Pitt, but BAM! Dinosaurs!
Film: The Tree of Life
Teacher: Terrence Malick
Terrence Malick really proved that everything is possible with The Tree of Life. That's because he did everything in that movie. Including putting dinosaurs in there to show that nature and grace existed back in the dino-days. Well, that was my interpretation of it. I think most people will interpret it as "WTF ARE DINOSAURS DOING IN THIS MOVIE?!" Don't act so surprised, guys, Sean Penn was top-billed on the poster.

4. Never make your own medicines. They'll leave you feeling a little blue.
Film: X-Men: First Class
Teacher: Nicholas Hoult
Once, Hank McCoy was a lovely looking boy who had big feet, but he couldn't handle that mutation. So he decided he'd put an end to it all, as he was quite skilled with his science. His medicine made a change, that's for sure. As the NZ saying goes, just a normal-ish looking mutant who makes his own medicine, nek minnit, he turns into a big, blue, furry beast. Moral of the story: big feet aren't all that bad.

3. Everyone who presumably can't speak English is from Sri Lanka, just like M.I.A.
Film: Hanna
Teacher: Jessica Barden
One of my favourite parts of Hanna was the family that she came across, who were as funny as anything. Especially the daughter, played by Jessica Barden, who greets Hanna with a story about rapper M.I.A who was from Sri Lanka and couldn't speak English but now she's mega-famous. This was meant to make Hanna feel better because she presumed she couldn't speak English. When her brother asked where this lost Hanna was from, Sophie replies, "Sri Lanka". Because that is where everyone who can't speak English is from, obviously.

2. When the world is about to end, build a teepee with sticks.
Film: Melancholia
Teacher: Kirsten Dunst
This one feels particularly relevant since, you know, the world is supposed to end this year (LOL). While it is really supposed to be a 'magic cave', it just looks like a teepee made with sticks. Which, I imagine, is the best that one could do with an apocalypse just around the corner. What Kirsten Dunst's Justine is really trying to tell us, though, is that her sister Claire's idea of getting some wine and music to celebrate the end of the world is pretty dumb. It's the end of the world, you have to get creative. And if you also hate the world, you may as well steal some of it's resources to do so.

1. Don't eat pork. 
Film: Contagion
Teacher: Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Paltrow ate some pork. After doing that, she touched a few people. Then she went home, and she got sick. She touched some more people. She died. Those people got sick. Then people who got touched by those people got sick. Next thing you know, the whole world got sick. A whole lot of people died. All because of Gwyneth Paltrow's pork dinner. Moral of the story: don't eat pork. Or meat. Stick to the veges, that you grow yourself. Eat healthy, stay healthy!

There are the lessons I learned from 2011 movies. What did you learn from them?

Cinema - Crazy, Stupid, Love.

There were four trailers played before I saw Crazy, Stupid, Love. The first was one for an upcoming Anna Faris comedy called What's Your Number? which looks devastatingly obvious. I'd be surprised if Faris' character doesn't end up getting with Chris Evans' character, even if she has to look back through all of her ex's to realise that he is the one. After that came Friends with Benefits, which of course has already been released in the US to mediocre reviews...but we all saw this movie in No Strings Attached, right? The next one, Abduction, was just a random one to show us that no matter how hard he tries, Taylor Lautner will always be a brooding teenager. Then came along New Year's Eve, which is along the same lines as Valentine's Day - meaning that not only does it have the same director, it will also have the same ill-attempted twists and eventual cliches in every story. You see, what the rom-com genre has become is a web of cliches and predictability, because there are only so many ways that a love story can go.

However, with Crazy, Stupid, Love, the movie doesn't try to do five hundred things at once, ending up in a big hot mess of stereotypical soup. Nor does it just focus on two people going through something as hard as love. Instead, the film has a few stories, which are given the right amount of attention, and have a few twists here and there which can't be seen from a mile away. It all starts with Cal Weaver (Steve Carell), a lovable schlub who has been married to Emily (Julianne Moore) for 25 years - but she has decided that she wants a divorce because she slept with colleague David Lindhagen (Kevin Bacon). Cal, now all alone and on the verge of depression, spends his nights at a bar telling everyone the story of how his wife cheated on him. Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling), an impeccably dressed ladies-man, notices Cal and decides to teach him how to 'embrace his manhood'. Now we have Cal Weaver, on the brink of divorce, dressing like he actually should, becoming a bit of a ladies man himself. Just as Cal becomes a master of winning women, Jacob meets the lovely Hannah (Emma Stone), who he actually falls in love with - as opposed to just taking her home for one night. And then there's also the story of Cal and Emily's 13 year old son Robbie (Jonah Bobo), who happens to be in love with his 17 year old babysitter Jessica (Analeigh Tipton)...and he's never giving up on trying to win her over.

The best thing that Crazy, Stupid, Love has going for it is the fact that the several stories within the film are finely balanced and they each run a lot closer together than it would appear. Along with that, the film manages to recycle ideas, but make them look as good as new. Not only do they look new, they also become painfully real. Crazy, Stupid, Love knows that it is about finding love and being in a relationship...all that kind of stuff. But it doesn't spend time trying to make any single people jealous by watching people be cute together. Instead, it just draws you into what it's like to find love/fall out of love/be in a relationship. Which is cool, because in each story there is a phase of a person's romantic life: first crush/unrequited love, bad break-up, finding 'the one'. The way each of these phases intertwine and cross paths which each other is something which I thought was pretty cool. Needless to say, in a world where 90% of romantic comedies suck, this one doesn't.

Half of Crazy, Stupid, Love's success can be attributed to it's enormously talented cast. There's Steve Carell, in Date Night mode...except swapping the stupidity for a little bit of sadness. Ryan Gosling, the man of the moment, shows that he can do comedy. The only problem I had with him in this film was the fact that I kept comparing him to how he was in Blue Valentine. That's not a good idea. Julianne Moore is as good as she always is, being as radiant as ever. Emma Stone is a little cutie pie, again showing off the natural humour and charm that she put to good use in Easy A, just in reduced amounts. Marisa Tomei is a standout, playing the crazy five-years-sober teacher. She has some very fine moments, given the amount of opportunity she has to make people laugh. Young Jonah Bobo does a pretty convincing job as a lovelorn boy who is both misunderstood and misinformed. As for Kevin Bacon...well, everyone seems to hate Kevin Bacon these days.

If there is something that I didn't like about Crazy, Stupid, Love, it would have to be that the film's tone was pretty uneven. Other than that, I found this movie pretty darn enjoyable...it would be the perfect date movie, if I had a date. I was in absolute hysterics at one point (if you've seen the film, you probably know which scene I'm talking about). Hey, romantic comedies don't have to be all bad. What's Your Number?, Friends with Benefits, New Year's Eve and...uh, Abduction: I know it's too late, but take note for next time.

THE VERDICT: Crazy, Stupid, Love is a perfectly sweet and funny romantic comedy that doesn't let predictability stop it from achieving almost greatness - and the cast is pretty cool, too.

What I hoped for:

What I got:

10 2011 Movies I Want to See

This is a totally unoriginal idea for a post, but since I've been so slack with my movie-watching lately (it's only going to get more slack this week since I have intense rehearsals as stage challenge nears), I'm running out of options. Anyway, this is a handy idea because there are so many movies I want to see, but I'm not sure about the ones that I want to make any special effort to see. And my first list I made at the start of the year was pretty much useless, as Sucker Punch topped that one. No, I didn't go and see that movie in the cinemas. Yes, I have lost all interest in it.

30 Minutes or Less - Jesse Eisenberg. From awkward geek to Oscar nominee within one year of being a household name. But what happens after the 27 year old that no-one expected big things from gets an Oscar nomination for his brilliant performance as Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network? Well, he's gotten more cats. But Jesse ain't looking to put himself out there as the best actor in the world just yet. Instead, he's reteamed with Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer for a comedy about a pizza delivery guy who's forced to rob a bank otherwise he'll be blown up. Sound stupid? It's a true story. And you know how Hollywood is with the true stories. I imagine Jesse will be up for a second Oscar nomination with this one.

50/50 - The trailer for this just hit the webbie and people seem to like what they see. So do I. I mean, first of all, it has the great Joseph Gordon-Levitt in it. And when you have Joey around in your flick these days, he can do no wrong. The rest of the cast is pretty top-notch too. I like the idea that Seth Rogen is the buddy in this movie, which means he is kinda back to the guy he was before he got all famous and such...the funny buddy. Anna Kendrick is also impressive and so is Bryce Dallas Howard. Plus, it's directed by Jonathan Levine, who did some brilliant work with The Wackness. I'm expecting big things, and I hope it can deliver.

Crazy, Stupid, Love - The trailer for this was very promising. Really, the cast itself it very promising. Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei, Kevin Bacon...that's like, acting heaven. You can't tell me that all of these great people came together for a bad movie, can you? Well I certainly hope not. Anyway, if it fails, Ryan Gosling is still pretty hot and there are two redheads in this movie.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Okay, so last year I had major spazzes over Inception and I was just so excited to see it every time I heard that name uttered I'd go into cardiac arrest. I think I've found this year's Inception in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I must have watched that trailer like 50 gazillion times now. But the sad thing is that this doesn't come out in NZ until 26th January 2012. So technically, this is my most anticipated for 2012. Anyway, it's a 2011 release, so I'll keep having heart attacks over it all throughout the year.

Hanna - Yeah, all of you people are probably like "you should have seen that already!" Truth is, it should have been released here in less than a couple of weeks time. But no, some idiots decided it would be a good idea to release it here on September 1st. Smooth, guys, real smooth. Just under three months until I get to see Saoirse Ronan kicking ass, Cate Blanchett being a red-head, Eric Bana being all violent and my queen Olivia Williams? Yeah, I love you too.

The Help - Okay, I admit, I feel as if this movie was made decades ago. But have you seen the red-heads that are in this? Emma Stone. Bryce Dallas Howard. Jessica Chastain. Red-heads! Plus, there's Sissy Spacek, Viola Davis, Anna Camp and Allison Janney. This has a strong female cast, and damn, I've been waiting a long time for a strong female cast. I also think that Emma Stone will impress with this movie. She'll prove that she can be a strong dramatic actress, hopefully, and continue to wow us with her charm.

Melancholia - Yeah, yeah, yeah. This will be branded as 'that movie directed by that Jew who thinks he's a Nazi'. While Cannes banned Lars von Trier's ass from their show, I'm glad they didn't cut his film from contention. Because it looks freaking awesome. Strange, but awesome. Kristen Dunst is making her big comeback, and this film has made sure that she's welcome again. Oh, and I think it's worth mentioning that there are two Skarsgård's in this film: Stellan and Alexander. I have a strange infatuation with these two. Stellan just seems like an all-round great guy and Alexander might just be the sexiest man alive (that's what happenswhen you watch True Blood all week, folks).

Midnight in Paris - I ain't the hugest fan of Woody Allen. All of his recent works have been kinda 'meh'. However, his latest, Midnight in Paris, got some fantastic reviews. Which I thought was unlikely, since he teamed up with Owen Wilson. But no, apparently this one is splendid. The cast looks splendid, too. Rachel McAdams, Michael Sheen, Carla Bruni, Adrien Brody, Kathy Bates, Marion Cotillard...it all looks divine. I'm sure I'll like this one, even if I ain't the hugest fan of Woody.

In Time - First it was called I'm.Mortal. Then it was called Now. And now it is called In Time. I wouldn't be surprised if they changed the title again. Anyway, even though there hasn't been a trailer or much publicity for this movie yet, I'm excited. Sure, 95% of that comes down to the fact that Cillian Murphy is in it and in that picture he looks like the most excellent brand of bad-assery. The other 5% of my excitement over this movie comes down to Olivia Wilde, Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried. The story sounds cool too...it's set in a world where no-one can go over the age of 25. Yeah, most people would want that world to be real.

The Tree of Life - I'm sure I have no right to be excited over this, since I haven't seen any of Terrence Malick's other work, but it looks fantastic. I just love watching movies which just observe life. From what I've read, this movie has everything from dinosaurs to wordly shots to mean fathers. It sounds as interesting as anything. What makes it even more interesting is the fact that it won the Palme D'Or at Cannes even though many people gave it the 'boo' treatment. Now that is interesting.

Well, there's my list. What are you looking forward to for the rest of this year?