Thursday, June 7, 2012

A Conversation with Safe House

Time for another entry to the LAMMY award nominated 'A Conversation with...' series! I'm sure Christopher would be right proud to have a nomination. I mean, the poor guy has to be a figment of my imagination, talk to some bad movies, and on top of all that be named after a ginger cat that doesn't exist. So do the young man a solid and flick him a vote at the LAMMYs. Because tonight he has to talk to Safe House. A movie which I had to take a nap during, and it was the middle of the freaking day (granted, I am extremely tired).

CHRISTOPHER: Well I'm back again, and this time I get the pleasure of talking to Safe House, Denzel Washington's...whoa whoa WHOA! Put down the gun!
SAFE HOUSE: I will not put the gun down. I know that you're going to betray me. 

C: Well I'm not...I promise.
SH: Promising isn't enough. Any time soon you're gonna pull a gun outta nowhere and shoot me right in the head.

C: I can promise you that I've never owned a gun in my life. Let alone seen one.
SH: You're lying.

C: I am not lying. 
SH: You tell a hundred lies a day, and then you think they sound like the truth.

C: I have not told one lie today.
SH: Yes you have. I overheard you telling Dwayne Johnson that he looked good in a purple tutu. We all know that he only looks good in a pink tutu. That's why I'm holding a gun to your head. 

C: Ummmm...okeydokey, then.
SH: You can't trust anyone. Espeically if you think Dwayne Johnson looks good in a purple tutu.

C: I'm not even going to question that. So that what you're all about?
SH: I guess. And Denzel Washington beating the crap out of people. And pulling guns on people. You know, just the basic action/thriller shit that everyone loves. With a bit of smart political/CIA talk to trick people into thinking I'm really smart.

C: I'm sure you succeeded in many cases.
SH: Well yeah. I mean, having good old Denzel was enough. He would scare people into thinking anything. Except for thinking that Dwayne Johnson looks better in a pink tutu, apparently.

C: For God's sake! Let the tutu thing go!
SH: I will not let it go. I'll get the CIA onto you. Aha, now you think I'm really smart!

C: Yes. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that I was talking to Albert Einstein. Starring alongside Denzel is Ryan Reynolds. Is he the next big action star?
SH: Well Green Lantern was a bit of a fail, wasn't it? That's why Dwayne Johnson don't wear no green tutu, either. I think he's heading for like, the next Matt Damon sort of thing, but he's taking a few unagreenable (ha) choices along the way. Mind you, I wouldn't go past a buddy cop movie starring he and Denzel one day. If Denzel ever stops doing political action/thrillers.

C: He's pretty much made up his own genre of action/thrillers.
SH: One day I'll be part of the special cinematic movement called 'The Denzel Wave'. How you like that, cinephiles?!

C: It'll be like 'The Dwayne Johnson Wave', where he pops up in lots of kids films even though he's not suited to them. 
SH: No. Tutu's don't deserve their special place in cinematic history. Denzel kicking butt deserves a special place in cinematic history.

C: Well...if you say so. 
SH: I do say so.

C: Now can you please move the gun away from my head?
SH: Ae?

C: You're pointing a gun at my forehead still.
SH: Huh? I didn't even notice. BADASSSSSSSSSS!

What I got:


  1. Dwayne Johnson: more frock than Rock?

    1. Definitely more frock. Like, 75% frock, 25% rock.

  2. HAHA I do love this feature!!


    1. Then I suppose you'll vote for it at the Lammies! :P

  3. I'll still watch the Rock in a tutu instead of Ryan Reynolds in an action film.

  4. Why won't you reply to my emails?

  5. Fuck. I'm sorry. I feel really bad now, I didn't mean to upset you.

  6. Stevee I can't imagine him without a gun now. LOL

    1. Hahahaha, then you'll have fun watching Safe House!

  7. I wish Reynolds would star in better material He was awesome in Buried

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You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.


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