Thursday, April 12, 2012
A Conversation with Puss in Boots
(A little backstory that may be useful - Christopher is named after a ginger cat that I never got. And imagine Puss in Boots' voice to be like Antonio Banderas', since the whole interview is with Puss in Boots, the character. You'll get the full experience, that way.)
CHRISTOPHER: I've spent all week with Real Steel running through a list of possible reboot ideas - I'm exhausted. Hopefully Puss in Boots won't have so many ideas for reboots. After all, it is only a spin-off of a series that has done its dash.
PUSS IN BOOTS: You say your name is Christopher?
C: One would assume so.
PIB: You say that you were named after a ginger cat, yes?
C: I've been told that is the case...
PIB: Where's your accent?
C: My accent? Uh...I have an accent, it just isn't the same as...
PIB: You have a Mariachi band?
C: No, I've never really felt the need...
PIB: Where's your boots?
C: Are my sneakers not good enough?
PIB: Come on, if an actual ginger cat can wear boots, then someone named after a fake ginger cat can at least wear the boots!
PIB: No no, it's okay. Just know that you'll never be one of us. Now, you were going to ask me questions, yes?
C: What do you mean, 'one of us'?
PIB: I guess I should say, a movie about fairytale characters, but you know that the coolest character in Shrek was me. Therefore, you'll never be like me - you're just not cool enough.
C: Oh wow, thank you.
PIB: Now get on with your questions!
C: What's your story?
PIB: I'm one of those origin movies. You know those origin movies? Like that X-Men: First Class one. With that man in it, the shark...what's his name?
C: Michael Fassbender.
PIB: Yes, him. He's one fish I would not like to eat. No matter how big he is.
C: I'm hoping that you are not insinuating something that goes far over the heads of your target audience...
PIB: I was meaning that a shark would be too big for me to personally eat. What do you think I was saying?
C: Oh, nothing. Speaking of suitability, do you think you're good for the kids?
PIB: Well, I am animated, and kids like animation. I come from Shrek, and kids like Shrek. Why do you not think I am 'suitable' for the kids? Is it because I like to spend my time with the lovely looking female felines?
C: You're very forward with them...
PIB: It is just part of my nature! No kid can tie me down!
PIB: I don't see any kids with cats who wear boots!
C: Well, no...
PIB: You have made the cat angry. You do not want to make the cat angry!
C: I'm sorry.
PIB: I forgive you...for now.
C: At least you reference Fight Club.
PIB: Well, Humpty does.
C: There's nothing wrong with a Fight Club reference, even in a kids movie.
PIB: I thought that one would be enough, but then I saw Rango. How dare I lose an Oscar to that chameleon! What's nothing wrong with me?! I bet it was your doing! I challenge you to a duel!
C: If you want me to be a Greek God, I was told by Immortals that I was too pale...
PIB: You are too pale. No, I want to duel you to see who can look the cutest!
PIB: ME FIRST!
Now your turn!
PIB:....You keep your sneakers, you'll never be worthy of the boots!
What I got: