DVD--Machete

or: Killing people!!!

One word to sum it up: Violent.

Who knew that the fake trailer shown before Grindhouse would make a full length film? Well well well, amazingly, it did make a movie lasting 100 minutes. Machete. You'd think, from Robert Rodriguez's previous attempt at malevolent violence with Planet Terror, he'd go absolutely full on here. And, well, he did. You know a film really doesn't take itself seriously when five people get their heads chopped off in the first five minutes. But the problem is, even though you can't take the film itself seriously, the film actually seems to take itself seriously.

I expected a lot of fun from this film, which certainly came through in it's non-stop violence, but it all seemed so unhappy. Maybe I'm too young to get all the jokes or something, but this film seemed almost too set on trying to be good instead of awesome. I wanted awesome, not a bloody critical delight. Somehow, though, this film won positive reviews from the critics, which leads me to wonder how it got there. It's a good, entertaining film, but it's just not as outrageously funny as I had hoped it would be. However, Robert Rodriguez did a perfectly good job of capturing an old, grotty style of action violence which was pretty fun to watch. Heads were severed, bodies were chopped in half and that end fight was pretty damn exciting. Did any of it make sense? I can't say I got the entire gist of it, mainly because of all the characters coming in and out of it, but what did you expect from a movie like this?

The story is really messy, even though it seems perfectly straight forward on paper: Machete (Danny Trejo) was betrayed and set-up by his boss, resulting in his wife and child being murdered by drug kingpin Torrez (Steven Seagal). Now, in Texas, Machete resurfaces when hired to assassinate Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), an extreme advocate against illegal immigration. Once again betrayed and set-up, Machete plots his revenge against the men who've wronged him with the help of resistance fighter Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), ICE Agent Sartana (Jessica Alba), and the shotgun-toting Padre (Cheech Marin). Yeah, it's pretty average material. Considering the Z-grade nature of the project, it is just right. Robert Rodriguez seems to have a lot of fun putting as much cheese as he can in this story. Which is cool, because cheesiness is damn entertaining to me.

The characters are all pretty interesting, even though the only really outrageous one is Machete. Danny Trejo, who has been a zillion straight to DVD movies which I've never even heard of, is a perfect fit for this character. He's a character of very little words, which makes him wildly interesting to watch as he runs around on his little mission. And of course, he and I have something in common: "Machete don't text". His support is okay, but again, with the quality of this feature, the acting doesn't really matter. Robert De Niro is back (again) and is still the best actor alive, even if he hasn't got the material to back that opinion up. Jessica Alba is perhaps a little more deserving of her Razzie win for this one than she was for The Killer Inside Me, and is pretty forgettable. Steven Seagal is in his first theatrically released movies in God knows how long. Michelle Rodriguez is Michelle Rodriguez, plain and simple. Lindsay Lohan was one of the people I really had a problem with, though. I don't know how her character had any relevance to the story at all. Then again, an appearance from actress Lindsay Lohan is always good.

It's clear, with the over-the-top violence, messy storyline and barrel load of characters that Robert Rodriguez had fun making this film. I, for one, loved the style in which this film was made. The real problem was the fact that the movie wasn't amazingly fun to watch...it all seemed a bit dreary.

THE VERDICT: It shouldn't be taken seriously, but Machete tries very hard to be serious, which is precisely the problem with this otherwise violent, messy, Z-grade feature which packs some real punches.

What I hoped for:

What I got:

Why is NZ getting all these films WAY later than everyone else?

With The Social Network being released this week (YAY!), even though the date was luckily pushed two weeks forward, New Zealand has been waiting quite a long time to see David Fincher's latest. But The Social Network isn't the only one with a delayed release date here. Check out this list:

Splice

USA release date: 4th June 2010. NZ release date: 18th November 2010. Distance between: around 25 weeks.

I think Splice is going into limited release here, but this release date keeps changing. It was first on during the New Zealand film festival in August, and then it was set up for release in September. Now it's going for November, but it's going to be released on DVD in January by Madman, which almost means an instant death in it's DVD release. Was it really that bad?

Machete

USA release date: 3rd September 2010. NZ release date: 25th November 2010. Distance between: 12 weeks.

Though there are several dates flying around for this one, it seems pretty clear that we will be getting this one more than 12 weeks after America. Meanwhile, some cheaters here will probably be downloading this film as I type.

Easy A

USA release date: 17th September 2010. NZ release date: 2nd December 2010. Distance between: 11 weeks.

This one, quite frankly, pisses me off. I really, really, want to see this movie! And by the time I do, everyone else will be like "this is old news!' It's not my fault!

The Kids Are All Right

USA release date: 30th July 2010. NZ release date: 26th December 2010. Distance between: over 21 weeks.

I have always wanted to see this film, mainly because of the amazing cast it seemed to get. However, when I went to the small cinema in the city it had a poster of this, with it's extremely late release date. The unfortunate thing it, this film will go into limited release here, and there's a possibility that we will miss out all together. Which will suck.

Secretariat

USA release date: 8th October 2010. NZ release date: 27th January 2011. Distance between: 16 weeks.

This one is undoubtedly delayed because it's one of those Oscar-bait movies and they always release here in the December-March period.

Hereafter

USA release date: 22nd October 2010. NZ release date: 3rd February 2011. Distance between: 16 weeks.

Despite the fact that it's directed by Clint Eastwood and stars Matt Damon, this film, which wasn't exactly greeted with rave reviews on it's release, won't be making it to NZ shores until next year. Even though there were interviews on the film on one of the chat shows.

127 Hours

USA release date: 5th November 2010 (?). NZ release date: 24th February 2011. Distance between: 16 weeks.

16 weeks until 127 Hours. Believe me, I'm counting down the days already.

Saw 3D

USA release date: 29th October 2010. NZ release date: 3rd March 2011. Distance between: 18 weeks.

Not that I give a shit, but most of the gore loving sadistic minded people who like this over-cooked series of blood will care that they don't get to see the final installment in 'mind-blowing 3D' until March next year. Even I think that's pretty stupid.

Never Let Me Go

USA release date: 15th September 2010. NZ release date: 17th March 2011. Distance between: 26 weeks.

Gosh, now I know that we are 26 weeks behind America in getting to see Never Let Me Go, I am really cheesed off. Yes, of course I want to see it because Andrew Garfield is in it, and the addition of Carey Mulligan and Keira Knightley certainly helps, but the trailer looked so sad and haunting I just can't resist seeing it. And I will still be excited once March rolls around, that's if its limited release ever happens.

Other films which have been released this year in USA, but have an undated release date here for next year:

Catfish

Jack Goes Boating

Stone

The Romantics

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

New Zealand may be the most beautiful country to live in, but why do the movie gods continue to give us lousy release dates which are weeks after everyone elses. That's the hardest thing about being in the blogosphere: by the time I see it, it's old news. Mind you, I watch them all on DVD, which I guess is kinda unique in the blogosphere.

Just promise me one thing. When I get to see The Social Network on Thursday (one of the first sessions here in NZ, so I am technically being an early-birdy), don't think I'm slack and think everything I'm saying is old news to you. It's not my fault!