Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Five Years Ago Today I Started This Blog (and now a soppy post ensues)


So here we are, at the five year anniversary of this little corner of the web. It is weird to think of this time five years ago where I would have been furiously tapping away at the big keys of my Dad's desktop PC to create my paragraph-long thinkpiece on Let the Right One In. Okay, so thinkpiece is a loose term for this very vague review. The ironic thing is, I wrote that review in my first year of high school. Just recently, I wrote an essay on the same film for my first year of university (which got an A, so apparently I'm smart). So why's this important?

Usually, I'd have some post to celebrate an anniversary with all of these thank yous and lists of movies that have meant a lot during the years. And believe me, I've thought about this five year anniversary and what I'd do for it for the last couple of years. But I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this blog has been a great way to track the way I've grown up. Through my changing movie tastes (hello not watching Hannah Montana: The Movie for 'fun') to the way my writing has developed to how my life went through all of these strange milestones. It was great for those formative high school years, figuring out all those weird questions of "who am I, what am I doing, what will I choose as my career when I can't even decide to have for breakfast this morning?"

Admittedly, this year has been a strange one where everything has changed in so many ways. Gone are the days of having to go 45 minutes to get to a cinema and instead I've been to the cinemas 37 times this year (so almost once a week). I've gone from only ever living in three different houses in my life to living in four different places in one year. I've learnt about the perils of referencing (can't we all just use one referencing style instead of jamming MLA, Harvard, APA and Chicago into one semester?!), how to put up with constant abuse from the engineers about the fact that my Arts degree 'will not get me a job', the weird feeling of being in a relationship with someone who is too good to be true. So while my blog has been the perfect thing through a whole lot of transitions, it hasn't been all that present this year as I've been making some of the biggest transitions in my life.

And believe me, it isn't like I haven't tried. I've written so many drafts for posts and just got to the point where it no longer makes sense, so I delete it. I would love to throw my hat into the rather expansive ring of thinkpieces about Gone Girl, but a) I'd just be fangirling over how perfect Rosamund Pike was and how David Fincher's direction was ON POINT, b) I'm still feeling guilty over dragging my boyfriend to see it twice and c) there's so much discussion on it, where do I even begin? I would love to tell y'all about how my life did not turn out like Before Sunrise or The Spectacular Now (actually, it kinda did...). I would love to write another post on how much I love Shame or how much I want Interstellar to be in my life right now or how much The Equalizer rubbed me up the wrong way.

Problem is, I don't. I'll always look back to posts I wrote in 2011/2012 and most likely think "damn, I was such a good writer, what happened?" Thing is, I'm not the same person I was back then. The blogging world is not the same sanctuary it was then. I used to be very clear about what I wanted this blog to be like when I wasn't so sure of what I wanted to do with my own life. I've kinda lost that now.

This makes it sound like I will finally cut the cords on this wee high school project, but that's something I don't really wish to do. Especially considering my degree is really all about writing and I'm happiest when I'm writing, this is a good little haven to come back to. It just might be that I'm ready to take a new direction and stop wishing that I could be at the same stage of blogging that I have been through the past five years. Yes, it is a great thing that I have an online record of how much I've changed throughout the years. And yes, it is a great thing that I managed to (loosely) keep up with it for five whole years. So even though this seems like I'm moving on, let's just see it as moving forward.

(allow for soppy story to ensue)

Through going to the cinemas so many times this year, it has easily become my absolute favourite thing to do. I admit to still looking up at the light coming from the projector like I used to do as a kid, loving the waft of buttery popcorn smell you get as you come up the escalator, and being so comfortable in the warmth of the glow from the screen. I've seen some bad films this year, and I've seen some great ones (behold the wonder that is Boyhood), but no matter what film it is, I always love this stuff. Especially having someone to share it with now. And something that I've found while being at university is that passion does matter and passion is the only thing that'll get you through. So of course, I'd hate to lose this little corner of the internet that allows to me to express my passion. I've been kind of awful at it in the last few months, and I may continue to be awful at it, but I'll still be here in some small way.

So finally, I'd like to thank the people who have come and gone or stayed at some stage through the past five years. It has been a great time growing up with you guys, and I look forward to sharing some more thinklings and discussions with you.

And if I don't, someone just kick me up the butt for some encouragement, huh?

83 comments:

  1. "constant abuse from the engineers about the fact that my Arts degree 'will not get me a job'"

    It's a shame you don't live in Australia, or else you could come back to them by saying "the way the government is going there won't be any jobs for YOUR degree to get"...

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    Replies
    1. Hmmmm, fortunately for them we're in Christchurch which has an earthquake rebuild on the go, so they're definitely looking at instant employment after they graduate!

      Delete
  2. Hiiiiiiiiiii Stevee! I love this post. You were always v. wise and you continue to become wiser and as you rightly said, your blog is a clear indication of that. I'm here for whatever you want to write about because all of it is awesome!

    Also I hope for your sake that Interstellar is good. I'm just not feeling it so far :/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and oh oh, I have a good feeling Pike this year is going to reach Leo-from-last-year level of madness for me. Please tell me you're with me on this!

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    2. Thanks!

      Argh, I'm way too excited for Interstellar, but not in full freak out mode like I was for Inception and The Dark Knight Rises. Maybe because I'm more mature now? Or maybe because I'm way too distracted by Gone Girl now haha.

      YES I AM WITH YOU! Pike deserves EVERYTHING.

      Delete
  3. Happy 5 year! Even if you haven't posted much lately, I'm glad you still stick around. Your blog is always a joy to read.

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    Replies
    1. Aw thanks! I will definitely try to keep it up as much as possible.

      Delete
  4. Really loved reading this.

    Whenever I see something you have written pop on my Twitter or Blogger feed, I always make sure to read it - even if I don't have the chance to comment (most of the time I am on the tube reading). I've loved watching - and reading - your writing over the years. As you know, you inspired me to start up my own blog - at that point, I was writing for other people and not in my own space. And for that, I am seriously grateful.

    Outside of writing, it's been awesome seeing you go on to do such cool stuff (and the relationship feels is great to read, so happy for you, man). It's quite surreal knowing I've known you, at least on a blog-level, since you were like, 14? Mind blown.

    Anyway, enough of my old rant. Super glad to see you happy and doing your thang. Keep going for it, dude and I'll always be around to watch your next filmic move or article you've written.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! And yes, I was 14 I think. Haha, my mind's blown that I was even that young once. Hopefully I'll be around a little more often now!

      Delete
  5. This post makes me feel so many things at the same time, so let me get the first thought out of the way: Congrats, Stevee! Congrats on everything, maintaining this blog better than I maintained mine, for doing what you want to do and for having found a really nice guy.

    Reading your posts always makes me feel warm and happy inside because you just speak my mind so often and I can relate to almost everything you say (choosing your breakfast *is* hard). At the same time, I feel like I should feel bad because I kind of miss blogging and being in this community (with you) but I just can't really do it so I'm just strolling along the periphery of the whole thing.
    But at the end of the day I just feel fascinated because you are so different from me (creative in a conventionally creative way, like you actually pursue an *arts* degree and not something scientific like I want to) but when you describe your feelings about going to the cinema, I recognize myself in that so much. So here's to being film buffs and Scott Pilgrim-ing our way through whatever path of life we've chosen. You know what sucks? Nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Things are looking up at the moment.

      I totally agree about everything! I missed blogging quite a bit, even though I struggled to put words on the site. Ha, I get so much teasing for doing an arts degree, but I figure it is what I enjoy and what I'm good at, so I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not. But I totally agree about Scott Pilgrim-ing our way through life, because nothing sucks that way at all!

      Delete
  6. Stevee, great to read your thoughts once again! I think it's cool that you recognize how things change and aren't trying to keep doing the same things. I'm in a similar boat (though much older) and was starting to realize that the pressure to put out blog posts was adding to my stress. So I just decided to cut back and figure out why I'm doing it in the first place. I also love writing, but there's the risk of getting stuck in a pattern of doing it for different reasons. It's always evolving, you know?

    I also think the blogging community is changing like you mention, and it isn't even the same place it was a few years ago. That isn't necessarily a bad thing; it's just different. Glad to hear that you're doing well!

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    Replies
    1. Definitely agree! Everything is constantly changing and I've realised nothing can be the same forever, so why even bother? I don't miss blogging regularly at all, I just miss being a part of blogging itself. Writing in moderation is so much better than forcing myself to write.

      And yes, I barely recognise the blogging community now, but hopefully I can still be a part of it!

      Delete
  7. Stevee, just got around to reading this (argh, so slack!)
    Writing for fun and for your little corner of the web is hard when it's what you're doing for school all the time (oh, don't get me started on referencing - check out an app called Zotero though, nifty little tool that let's you save references and keep track of them really easily!) It's nice knowing that Cinematic Paradox will always be there for you to return to when you want to and need to though. It's been such a pleasure to read your work and see it evolve! I can only aspire to that kind of transformation!
    Bah, engineers, they don't know what they're talking about - of course there are arts jobs! We just have to look a little harder ;)
    - Ruth (I changed my blog address, haha!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Digging the new blog, Ruth!
      I have been using Zotero a bit, it is really helpful! But just the formatting is so hard when every subject is different. Thanks so much for those kind words :)
      And yes, I've been told that I'll get a job for being "me" and not for what degree I have.

      Delete
  8. Congrats on a wonderful five years, Stevee! Hope you continue to stop by and post from time to time. I've always loved your blog. (Sorry I got behind over the last few months, by the way.)

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  12. Also I hope for your sake that Interstellar is good. I'm just not feeling it so far :/
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