Saturday, March 1, 2014

Annual Awards Nerdism - Oscar Predictions (with poetry) - Acting and Directing

Well lookie here, I'm back to my world famous (okay, maybe not), fantastic prediction poetry that everyone loves. I am not a poet, nor do I have any intentions of becoming one, but normal predictions do bore me a little bit and spinning a rhyme is one of my favourite things to do. It is dry stuff, but hopefully you find some joy in it...

Best Achievement in Directing 
Alfonso Cuaron - Gravity / Steve McQueen - 12 Years a Slave / David O. Russell - American Hustle / Martin Scorsese - The Wolf of Wall Street / Alexander Payne - Nebraska

Without Paul Greengrass it's not really the same,
Especially as his place went to Alexander Payne,
Remember that film The Descendants with the Cloon?
I think everyone forgot that pretty soon,
Nebraska's chances here are pretty grey
(yeah, thinking of that joke took me all day)
Since this time the Cloon is out in space,
And Alfonso Cuaron is likely to win this race,
Meaning there could be a Pic/Director split,
But I don't think Steve McQueen will quit,
It's great to see him getting notice for 12 Years a Slave,
Even if I'm pretending it's really for Shame,
And then there's Oscar favourite David O. Russell,
Getting his third nomination for American Hustle,
Which is great for making an easy rhyme,
But I didn't find the movie to be a good time,
Yet, my loyalties lie with The Wolf of Wall Street,
With Martin Scorsese's direction being no mean feat,
Because his direction is terrifyingly fun,
And better than anyone else could do at 71.

All I can say is that I want Alfonso Cuaron to win because Gravity is easily the best directed film of the decade, but then I want Steve McQueen to win because 12 Years a Slave makes the third out of three movies of his that got 5/5 from me. But I also want Martin Scorsese to win because his direction of The Wolf of Wall Street is so amazing because he is taking the piss out of so much and it is beautiful. And yeah, I haven't seen Nebraska so I can't comment on Alexander Payne and well...not a fan of either David O. Russell or American Hustle. Apart from the fact that they rhyme. Whenever I say "American Hustle by David O. Russell" I automatically feel like putting my hood up, getting out my grills and corn rows and start an underground rap career.

At least I took something away from that movie...

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

Sally Hawkins - Blue Jasmine / Julia Roberts - August: Osage County / Lupita Nyong'o - 12 Years a Slave / Jennifer Lawrence - American Hustle / June Squibb - Nebraska

Remember when Jennifer Lawrence fell up the stairs?
Let's hope that doesn't happen for a second year,
J-Law seems to be a bit of a chance,
Even if her performance is a bit of a farce,
But all hopes are pinned on Lupita Nyong'o,
Who is absolute perfection in her first screen go,
There's also Hawkins, Roberts and Squibb,
Who won't be the ones whom the Academy give,
Still, the race is neck and neck,
And Nyong'o is probably the smartest bet.

Well...all I can hope is that Jennifer Lawrence doesn't prematurely win another Oscar. I'm still not over her winning last year for Silver Linings Playbook (again, I love the movie, but I didn't love her performance at all), and I can honestly say that she was my least favourite performer out of the big five in American Hustle. However, it definitely does look as if she remains a 50% chance to take this award, with Lupita Nyong'o being the other 50%. And I just hope more than anything that Lupita does win, because her speech will be absolutely beautiful and I'm still emotionally scarred by her performance in 12 Years a Slave.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role 

Barkhad Abdi - Captain Phillips / Bradley Cooper - American Hustle / Jonah Hill - The Wolf of Wall Street / Michael Fassbender - 12 Years a Slave / Jared Leto - Dallas Buyers Club

Jared Leto seems to have this race all but won,
But let's pretend there's a little surprising fun,
Even though it's not for the amazing Shame,
It's great to see the Fass finally getting Oscar fame,
Bradley Cooper has nomination number two,
For being my favourite of the Hustle crew,
Jonah Hill's also back for a second round,
How weird does that sentence sound?
Even cooler is the guy who's the captain now,
Barkhad Abdi's screen debut sure does wow,
With a BAFTA in his hand he could surprise,
But the winner will be Jared Leto in disguise.

Yeah, Jared Leto is almost definitely going to win this one. Which is absolutely fine, because it is great to have him back on our screens and he's a wonderful Rayon. However, there is every possibility that Barkhad Abdi could be the captain now with this one, since people can't resist the story behind his sudden rise to fame and how wonderful his performance is. I may just be speaking as someone who loves Abdi dearly, but if there's anyone who can contend with Leto, it is him. This category is crazy good, though, with Jonah Hill being my second favourite thing about The Wolf of Wall Street, Bradley Cooper being my favourite thing about American Hustle and Michael Fassbender being my favourite thing about life. Actually - in my English lecture yesterday, we were talking about slavery and the lecturer brought up 12 Years a Slave and then all of a sudden he said "who loves the Fass?" Seriously, Canterbury is my favourite place.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role 
Amy Adams - American Hustle / Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine / Sandra Bullock - Gravity / Judi Dench - Philomena / Meryl Streep - August: Osage County

Amy Adams gets her first nom for being a lead,
And it's nomination number 18 for Meryl Streep,
Everyone has won before,
Apart from Adams who has missed out x4,
This doesn't seem to be her year,
For no-one seems to compare,
To the brilliant work by Queen Cate,
Who makes a Jasmine to love and hate,
While she's impossible to beat,
Sandra Bullock's Gravity performance has some heat,
Judi Dench is an outside bet,
Considering all the love the Brits usually get.

There's no way that Cate Blanchett won't be winning this. Which is perfect, because she'll be accepting the award off Daniel Day-Lewis and it'll probably become one of my top five Oscar moments because both of them are flawless royals of cinema. I'm probably more excited about Daniel Day-Lewis presenting this award than I am Cate Blanchett winning it (because God knows when we'll ever see the guy again), but seriously, Cate will become one of the most deserving actress winners ever. She is perfect in that film.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale - American Hustle / Bruce Dern - Nebraska / Leonardo DiCaprio - The Wolf of Wall Street / Chiwetel Ejiofor - 12 Years a Slave / Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyers Club

Sorry, I can't put this category into poetry. It is hard enough doing a prediction for it. But here's how I think this'll go down:
-Christian Bale has absolutely no chance because he is where Tom Hanks should have been.
-Bruce Dern could easily go in for the upset but no one has really been talking up Nebraska, but maybe I'm just turning a deaf ear because I haven't seen the film.
-Matthew McConaughey is currently the favourite and that's good because the McConnaissance is my favourite thing to be living through and I like to imagine this is all for Killer Joe. But I just don't believe he can win yet.
-Chiwetel Ejiofor, however, I can see winning. I've actually laid awake thinking about him winning for several nights in a row. I think he can just pull it out of the hat.
-Buuuuuuut there's Leonardo DiCaprio. Who I still believe has every chance of winning. I know that it is hopeful and maybe a little delusional, but can people ignore that this is his best performance ever? Everyone is saying so. And I feel like I just have to predict him as the winner. Because his performance is my favouite of the year by far. And I just want to see him win for this performance.

This category is tearing my soul apart. SO MANY DIVIDED LOYALTIES. But yeah, I'm predicting Leonardo. Haters gon' hate. Can't be tamed. Never learn. Yolo. All that stuff.

"When life gives you lemmons, turn it into an Oscar."

Anyway, what do you think about these categories? Who do you think will come out on top? Anyone have as much faith in Leo as me?


  1. There is this Hindi quote which translates to "let there be butter and sugar in your mouth" which sounds silly obviously but it kinda means I HOPE YOU ARE BLOODY RIGHT! GAHHHH LEOOOOO PLEASEEEEEEEE!!!!

  2. Love this! Leo winning would be my favorite win of the night. :)

  3. Congratulations for the award winners. This is a great blog for the film industry. I usually come here to get the film industry news.

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