Thursday, May 10, 2012
A Conversation with Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
CHRISTOPHER: It has been a while since I've talked to a manly movie. I don't know why I always get saddled with the girly movies.
SHERLOCK HOLMES 2: Is it because you give off a girly impression?
SH2: Well, I've been observing your other conversations, and let's just say, you didn't fit the bill as a Greek God, you lost a duel with a ginger cat who wears shoes, and you somehow convinced New Year's Eve that it's sequel should be based around Queen's Birthday. Does that not strike you as a little girly?
C: I guess your observations make you a super detective then, huh?
SH2: I'm knee-deep in the single most important case of my career.
C: What, investigating my suspected girly-ness?
SH2: Yes. The second is stopping the collapse of the Western civilisation. The third is being a movie worthy of Robert Downey Jr's awesomeness.
C: Ah, I imagine that is quite hard.
SH2: I don't know how The Avengers did it. Something I should observe next, I suspect.
SH2: You see, Professor Moriarty is under the impression that he can just take down the Western civilisation and get away with it. But not without the help of a certain Sherlock Holmes, his long-suffering associate Dr. Watson, his brother Mycroft and a gypsy named Sim.
C: From my observations (see, I have some of my own), Sim is played by Noomi Rapace. Wasn't she the original girl with the dragon tattoo? Couldn't she just have figured everything out herself?
SH2: No, you idiot. First of all, Noomi Rapace isn't going to be the girl with the dragon tattoo forever. Second of all, she doesn't have a dragon tattoo. I...checked. Finally, the girl with the dragon tattoo was good with computer hacking. The only hacking I know of is taking an axe to something. And I have a gun for that, so there you go.
C: Alright, then...
SH2: Plus, the girl with the dragon tattoo has nothing on a certain Sherlock Holmes!
C: Okay, I get it. So you are the sequel of a semi popular 2009 movie. How do you feel that you stack up compared to that one?
SH2: I appear to have a lot more slow motion.
C: What if people don't particularly take to slow motion?
SH2: Then they might not really appreciate me. But they'll probably appreciate Robert Downey Jr's awesomeness. Even in drag.
C: I'm sure not having Mark Strong as your villain is a great disservice.
SH2: We tried to get him back and just wear a prosthetic mask, but we realised that was just too Mission Impossible.
C: But Mission Impossible is actually okay.
SH2: There's no impossible missions for a certain Sherlock Holmes!
C: Apart from maybe being a movie worthy of Robert Downey Jr's awesomeness?
SH2: That is going to be the subject of the sequel. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Not Being Robert Downey Jr's Shadow.
What I got: