A Conversation with New Year's Eve

Sorry for the day's delay. Someone decided it would be a good idea to have new releases spread out on three different days this week, leaving New Year's Eve and The Iron Lady until Friday, so I could only but watch it on Thursday. New Year's Eve was a film I wanted to 'converse' with from the get-go, and after seeing it I've realised how much fun I shall have with this one. So let's get going, shall we?

CHRISTOPHER: Even though it is the 27th of April, I figure it is always okay to interview New Year's Eve. After all, it didn't come out on New Year's Eve. Geez, even Valentine's Day made the effort to come out on Valentine's Day.
NEW YEAR'S EVE: I didn't want to undermine everyone's actual New Year's Eves by making them want to come see me instead of getting drunk and actually having a good idea. So I thought, why not come out at the start of December? Then I'd just undermine Christmas.

C: I don't recall you ever being successful. Christmas still went ahead. 
NYE: Still, I was top of the box office.

C: And in your second week you got beaten by some singing chipmunks.
NYE: I ended up earning more than the singing chipmunks.

C: The singing chipmunks have a higher rating than you do on Rotten Tomatoes.
NYE: I have a better cast than the singing chipmunks.

C: The singing chipmunks are probably more comfortable to listen to than you and your whiny cast are!
NYE: TOO FAR. I'll have you know that people enjoy seeing Katherine Heigl in romantic comedies!

C: Do they? Name some, then.
NYE: ...singing chipmunks?

C: Very convincing. Now, tell me a bit about yourself.
NYE: There is just so much to say. Well, it is New Year's Eve, a night where everyone falls in love and stuff and everyone's happy because they've started a new year and I tell the story of a whole lot of people who want to find love/have love on this magical night. First, there's...

C: Please don't feel compelled to tell us a brief summary of everyone involved in this film. I'm afraid if you did that you'd probably give away your entire storyline.
NYE: But really, I don't mind, everyone's probably figured it out anyway...

C: We really don't have time. If we did, we'd be here until Christmas, by which time you'd probably have another holiday themed movie out.
NYE: Well, you see, we thought that, but some British movie...I don't know, what is it called? Ah, Love Actually, already bet us to the punch with that one.

C: I guess being British helps when you're making holiday themed multi-plot films with big casts.
NYE: Yes, I've realised this, but the fact they've taken Christmas kind of shot that horse in the face. Maybe, we could set the next holiday film in Britain about a British holiday, starring American people. What's a British holiday?

C: Queen's Birthday?
NYE: Perfect. Maybe the Queen could fall in love, on her birthday.

C: For one thing, it isn't her real birthday. For a second thing, she's already married.
NYE: Damn. I thought Josh Duhamel would have been quite the catch for her. Well what about that king guy from The King's Speech?

C: I'm afraid he's dead.
NYE: COLIN FIRTH IS DEAD?

C: No. The actual...never mind.
NYE: Hmmmmmmmmm. I bet there are lots of ways we can show that people really feel the love of Queen's birthday. We have to involve Katherine Heigl and Sarah Jessica Parker. And make a really photoshopped photo, filled with blue and red because that what is on the British flag - but the Americans will think it is all about them since their flag is blue and red too. Genius. And we'll also have another musical montage, because that went down a treat. Maybe we'll get Colin Firth in there, even though you say that he is dead. But I dunno, I hope he has gotten over that stutter. That could prove problematic when he's filming his love story with acting maestro Katherine Heigl.

C: You really need to stop thinking.
NYE: I've got a tagline!

C: Oh good lord.
NYE: "Even though it isn't really the Queen's birthday, you can still find right royal love on this holiday."

C: And just when I thought you couldn't get much worse than 'Let love be your resolution'

What I got:

A Conversation with I Don't Know How She Does It

Most of you probably haven't seen Sarah Jessica Parker's latest War Horse I Don't Know How She Does It, but that doesn't matter. Our 'interviewer' Christopher (named after the ginger cat I never got for my birthday) is going to interview it since it is the perfect film to interview (you'll see why). Basically, if you're new to all of this: I rebooted this series about a couple of weeks ago - missing those weeks because of the Oscars and a school trip - where my fake interviewer Christopher 'chats' to a specific movie. You can find past entries here. Let's get into it, shall we?

CHRISTOPHER: Hi there. I think the obvious question to start with is why the hell do you have such a stupid title?
I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT: Because, silly, who does know how she does it?

C: What, how does Sarah Jessica Parker still keep getting work?
IDKHSDI: No. What I intend for the audience to see is the ins and outs of being a mother. And everyone has to look up at our heroine, Kate Reddy and say "I don't know how she does it!" every five minutes. It is all about girl power, girlfriend.

C: Well in that case, I'm glad that I'm fake so I don't have to have children and have a wife running around like her.
IDKHSDI: I'm obviously not for males. I'm for mothers to put their hands up to and worship, since I am obviously the bible for the working mother.

C: With Sarah Jessica Parker playing your heroine?
IDKHSDI: ...yes. You saw Sex and the City. That was the bible for the fashionable woman! This is like, the sequel.

C: The sequel where Carrie Bradshaw catches lice?
IDKHSDI: Yes.

C: And doesn't bake anything for the bake sale so she just buys a pie from the shop?
IDKHSDI: ...yes.

C: And just about has an affair with Pierce Brosnan?
IDKHSDI: ...yes...

C: Wow, I really don't know how she does it.
IDKHSDI: Exactly. She has to deal with all of those problems.

C: Okay, so you are a girl power movie being the bible for the working mother. But why are you made in such a strange way?
IDKHSDI: I am made in a documentary style so it all feels more real. So everyone can somewhat relate to it. And how else could we get across the point that Kate Reddy is so amazing? We had to tell the audience all the time just to remind them. Just in case the title wasn't enough of a clue.

C: Have you ever heard of something called subtlety? It is in right now.
IDKHSDI: Considering one of the highest grossing movies of the year was Transformers: Dark of the Moon - which was not very subtle - I was going with the crowd. I was just expanding that idea.

C: But why did you have to have so many annoying characters explaining a character just as annoying?
IDKHSDI: Have you not read the chick flick handbook? It says that behind every lead female character, you need the trusty best friend who feels the need to crack dirty jokes all the time (Christina Hendricks), the sassy guy friend (Seth Meyers), the nemesis who may look like the perfect mother but actually isn't and has anger issues (Busy Philipps), the younger girl who idolises the heroine but can't get her life straight (Jessica Szohr) and the uptight career obsessed woman who won't let anything get in her way, including emotions (Olivia Munn). And then there's the people who don't have to explain them: the men. The doting husband who is so sensitive of course we have to feel sorry for him (Greg Kinnear), the over-powering 'I wish I was more family-oriented' workaholic (Pierce Brosnan) and the mean 'I don't give a shit' boss (Kelsey Grammer). All of these people are supposed to generate support and emotion towards Kate Reddy, obviously.

C: And is breaking the fourth wall another technique to get us to care about Kate Reddy?
IDKHSDI: Of course we need to know what she's thinking all of the time. And if SJP's husband can do it in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, then she can too.

C: Ah, but you see, that was actually a good movie.
IDKHSDI: And I'm not?

C: Unless you count having every cliché in the book. Mind you, I now know why you have that stupid title. If any woman makes it through this movie, then she I don't know how she does it.
IDKHSDI: See? My title is great after all.

What I got:

DVD--Sex and the City 2

or: Grumpy old women in flashy clothes.

One word to sum it up: Bloated.

Once or twice I may have said--and this was very early in the year--that I was looking forward to watching Sex and the City 2, mainly because I liked the first one. However, upon seeing critics coming out in droves and absolutely trashing it, I really wasn't that interested in seeing it. I mean, seriously? A movie with four whiny middle-aged women wearing designer clothes and totting around in high heels living in fantasy land while the rest of us live in reality? The first one did well considering it was 'The Godfather of chick flicks'. Look at it this way: Sarah Jessica Parker is aging, and we no longer care for her and her friends exploits. They really over-cooked the big screen transition, and with news of a third one being in development, I think they are going to burn this series out.

What happens after you say 'I do'? Life is everything Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Samantha (Kim Cattrall), Charlotte (Kristin Davis) and Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) ever wished it would be, but it wouldn't be right if life didn't hold a few more surprises. This time in the form of a glamourous adventure that whisks the women away from New York to one of the most luxurious and exotic places on earth, where the party never ends and there's something mysterious around every corner. It's an escape that comes exactly at the right moment for the four friends, who are finding themselves in the traditional roles of marriage, motherhood and more. After all, sometimes you just have to get away with the girls.

Sex and the City 2 isn't as exciting as that 'synopsis' made it out to be. The main plotline of the whole thing is Carrie taking a break from Big and the 'boring old married couple' life she thinks she is a part of. As you can imagine, stretching this rather thin plotline out over 140 minutes (about the length of Inception...imagine that) is like trying to tie an average size rubber band around a truck. The first few minutes shine, but unfortunately this easily becomes chick flick heaven and an average borefest. Here's some of the most exciting things that happen in the film: Liza Minnelli sings a few songs (!); Charlotte breaks down and thinks the nanny (played by Alice Eve who has a pretty spot on Irish accent) is going to have an affair with her husband; Carrie goes back to the old apartment (!); Penelope Cruz!; We go to Abu Dhabi in luxury; and well, the credits. Seriously, guys, what went wrong with this movie? You do know that not everyone isn't as into watching the lives of the well off in New York, especially when they have grown as annoying as these four ladies have? Scratch that, I still like Charlotte.

The moral of the story is: if you want a good girls night in, then get Sex and the City 2. If you think you can handle 140 minutes of nothing but the same women dealing with strange problems that you may not have cared about in the first place, then get Sex and the City 2. If you liked the first movie and the TV series, then you may still want to watch this movie. However, the best parts are still the clothes, which are thrown at the four women like they are clothes horses. I do have one strict message: ladies, don't drag your boyfriend/fiancee/husband into watching this. I can guarantee they will not be happy with you. This movie was only ever intended for women, and, unfortunately, I couldn't stomach this 140 minute piece of girl-power. Even if it was a bit better than I thought it would be. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease, don't make a third Sex and the City. For the sake of womanhood.


THE VERDICT: While it isn't as bad as some critics made it seem, Sex and the City 2 is still a very overcooked sequel, which seems to lose itself in it's bloated running time. Sarah Jessica Parker has truly lost her mojo.

4/10