A Conversation with Immortals

I thought 'interviewing' Immortals would be perfect right at this very moment because today we have Tarsem Singh's latest directorial effort, Mirror Mirror coming out, and also the similarly themed Wrath of the Titans hitting theatres. Yeah, it is another bad film, but I have fun with them being the way they are. So yeah.

If you're unsure about what the hell this post is going to be about, basically I have an interviewer, Christopher (a.k.a the name of my dream ginger cat that I'm not allowed until I leave home) who interviews a movie. It is light-hearted fun - so don't criticise me too much if my jokes aren't funny (which they usually aren't), it is too vague (which it is) or you think it is a sack full of ignorance. Cynicism isn't in this season.

CHRISTOPHER: Hi there. You look very...gold. Anyway...you look very tan. Tell me, what's your secret?
IMMORTALS: CGI. Or maybe it is just the fact that you sir, are so pale.

C: I suppose that's a justifiable reason. Or that I'm not a Greek God.
I: That too. Maybe you've picked the wrong career. Go throw some stones about or carry buckets of water up steep mountains to your homestead, you'll get very fit like myself. I understand that in your time you don't just get blessed with a perfect body. Now, don't worry about that tan, the CGI will do that for you. Just get some gold armour and a sword and you will be one of us. 

C: I don't think I would be that brave, though.
I: Oh don't worry, all you have to do is look angry and yell really loudly when you slice someone's head off. There's nothing to it.

C: Okay then. If I ever happen to be transported to 1228 BC I will take that advice on board. Now for you to give some advice to the readers...what exactly are you about?
I: What do you mean by that?

C: What is your story?
I: Oh, the story. Do you think that your readers care about the story? Because I think all they'd care about is the way I look and the action sequences.

C: That may be so, but these readers are a smart bunch. Looks will only get you so far...
I: Alright. It is about Gods and Titans. The Gods must stop the titans. And a young peasant named Theseus is the only one who can do that. So he has the godly task (hahaha, you get it?) of trying to save the world.

C: Sounds a bit like Clash of the Titans, if you ask me.
I: Clash of the Titans sounds like me, I do not sound like Clash of the Titans. And I do not look like Clash of the Titans. I am better than Clash of the Titans. 

C: Well at least there probably isn't that much of a chance of you getting a sequel, then.
I: Anything is possible. That's what Theseus symbolises.

C: Ah, symbolism. No doubt a big factor which you worked on a lot.
I: Not really, no. There are more important things to do. Such as make everything look good and have good action sequences. After all, isn't that what everyone wants?

C: They're very standard values. 
I: Are  you calling the way I look 'standard'?

C: No, you look good. But there's more to just half naked men trying to fight Mickey Rourke, I tell you.
I: That's what happened in The Wrestler. And you can't tell me that's not a good movie.

C: Yes but...never mind. Henry Cavill will be saving the world next with Zack Snyder's take of Superman. Do you think he is a good fit?
I: Looks? Check. Acting chops? Check. Capability of dealing with indulgent slow motion sequences? Check.

C: Aha. So what I've gathered is that you're all about the looks, the violence, and Mickey Rourke. Anything else you want to add?
I: Something that I think will resonate with the readers who have seen Braveheart: Stand your ground! Fight for order! Fight for the man beside you! Fight for those who bore you! Fight for your children! Fight for your future! Fight for your name to survive! Fight! For immortality!

C: That was so inspirational I couldn't tell whether you were directly quoting Mel Gibson or not.
I: At least I look better than Mel Gibson.

What I got:

DVD--The Expendables

or: Jurassic Park 4: The Fossils Come Back

One word to sum it up: Testosterone-fuelled

I admit, The Expendables wasn't really a movie which I had wanted to see. I mean, gosh, have you seen the cast? It's like Sylvester Stallone has manged to drag up every old man from the deathly hallows of straight-to-DVD-land and put them in this movie. What was he trying to achieve? Maybe a film which would be popular among those crazy kids from the 80's who like old fashioned violence with guys who are a little too old to be even holding a gun? Or maybe a film which would revive some of these old guys failing careers? No, I believe it was more of a film that was advertised as a gnarly actioner with a pretty good cast, so everyone would go and see it. Easy money, when you think about it, because I think Sly forgot to buy a story to go with all the explosions and gunfights.

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) leads the 'Expendables', a band of highly skilled mercenaries including knife enthusiast Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), martial arts expert Yin Yang (Jet Li), heavy weapons specialist Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), demolitionist Toll Road (Randy Couture) and loose-cannon sniper Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren). When the group is commissioned by the mysterious Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) to assassinate the merciless dictator of a small South American island, Barney and Lee head to the remote locale to scout out their opposition. Once there, they meet with local rebel Sandra (Giselle Itie) and discover the true nature of the conflict engulfing the city. When they escape the island and Sandra stays behind, Ross must choose to either walk away and save his own life - or attempt a suicidal rescue mission that might just save his soul.

Fun fact: Bruce Willis' name appears on the poster advertising The Expendables, but he isn't listed as being credited on the films IMDb page, or in the end credits, for that matter. So does that mean a cameo appearance is eligible for 'lead role status' based on the actors popularity? That is just one of the many questions arisen by The Expendables. Another thing I found on the films IMDb page is how many people have message boarded their love for this film. Now, I have nothing against that, or their opinions, but calling this the 'best action film of all time' is a bit of a stab in the dark. There are a lot of action sequences within this film which are nothing but brainless entertainment. But the way they are handled is less than impressive, and in all honesty, quite tiresome. Once the film gets to it's finale, it feels a little 'meh', even though it's undeniably action-packed.

My mother, who was looking forward to this film way more than I was, wasn't overly impressed by this movie either. I think this is down to a particular group of people. 15-50 year old guys, who watch films purely for brainless fun, will probably really dig this movie. Girls might if they enjoy this type of thing. However, on a critical level, this movie doesn't really give me anything new to rave about. Being a fifteen year old girl certainly didn't help it's case either. I guess, if you like action films, and want to see a less graphic version of Rambo, then The Expendables is definitely for you.


THE VERDICT: Old fashioned action sequences and mullets can't save The Expendables from it's brainless story, but enjoyable thrills almost can.

4/10

DVD--Iron Man 2

or: Sequels do work. Sometimes.

One word to sum it up: Awesome.

I'm a huge fan or anything and everything that Robert Downey Jr. is in. So it was only natural for me to be a huge fan of Iron Man. But sequels always worry me, as the only sequel I have ever seen that is better than the first is The Dark Knight (my favourite film of all-time). Iron Man 2 isn't as good as the first one. However, it manages to keep the coolness of the first (which is probably because of Robert Downey Jr.) and is actually a really good sequel. Honestly, you couldn't really top the first Iron Man, no matter how hard you'd try.

With the world now aware of his dual life as the armored superhero Iron Man, billionaire inventor Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) faces pressure from the government, the press, and the public to share his technology with the military. Unwilling to let go of his invention, Stark, along with Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), and James 'Rhodey' Rhodes (Don Cheadle) at his side, must forge new alliances--and confront powerful enemies.

The Iron Man franchise really would be nothing without Robert Downey Jr. He makes the unlikeable character of Tony Stark somewhat likeable, and also takes great pleasure out of mocking the character and the billionaire image, which is where the film gets most of it's laughs. The first film was explosive, and this second installment is even more explosive. That's what is to be expected of an action sequel, but Iron Man 2 dares to set itself apart from other action sequels. It has a smart script, a wonderful cast and inspired direction to thank for that.

The film isn't really just about a superhero trying to make the world a better place. It takes a look at someone trying to make world peace, someone trying to make more war, and also the lives of the rich and famous. Jon Favreau, while not as technically talented as Christopher Nolan in making action films, does a fantastic job of setting up busy sequences and sends the viewer on an adrenaline rush easily. Iron Man 2 has an enlargened ensemble supporting cast. Gwyneth Paltrow and Clark Gregg are still there. Don Cheadle takes over Terrence Howard's role as one of Stark's closest friends. Scarlett Johansson comes in for a role which basically meant nothing and I'm pretty sure she was just there for eye candy. The two biggest stand outs were Sam Rockwell (the brilliant, underrated actor from Moon) and Mickey Rourke (the scariest fossil-looking man I have ever seen), who played great villains, making this movie different from the first (the only villain was Jeff Bridges, really).


THE VERDICT: Iron Man 2 is an action packed and explosive sequel, which doesn't disappoint. Robert Downey Jr. makes the film worthwhile, along with an awesome cast and script. Can't wait for the next installment, The Avengers to come out in 2012.

8/10