5 Practical Reasons Why Leonardo DiCaprio Doesn't/Shouldn't Have an Oscar Yet, Tumblr

So if you look on my Tumblr page, 95% of it is Leonardo DiCaprio. Mostly because of my undying obsession with The Wolf of Wall Street, but also because the gifs that the site comes up with to chronicle Leo's apparent struggle for an Oscar are quite funny. Here are a few of my favourites:

  

Yes, it is entertaining, but it is a little bit excessive (as most things are on Tumblr, particularly seen by Jennifer Lawrence's meteoric rise to Queen of Everything). Let's take some calm, practical steps to acknowledge why Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio is merely Oscar-Nominated Actor Leonardo DiCaprio instead of Oscar-Winner Leonardo DiCaprio.

1. Back up the truck, he's only 39 years old.

Paul Newman was 62 when he won his first Oscar. Christopher Plummer was 82. Peter O'Toole never even got an Oscar. Sure, there's more to an actor's life than winning an Oscar, but then again it is kind of annoying when 22 year old Jennifer Lawrence has an Oscar. Maybe it seems like Leo has been struggling for so long when really, this has been a saga that's been going on for 20 years - not really that much time. I mean, Brad Pitt doesn't have an Oscar, why is no one complaining about that? Since Leo got nominated for What's Eating Gilbert Grape in 1993, he waited another 11 years to be nominated for The Aviator, following it up two years later with a nomination for Blood Diamond, and now, 7 years later, we have his nomination for The Wolf of Wall Street. We only have four chances here for him not to get the award, and to be honest, a lot of actors suffer through worse (and let's not even get started on Roger Deakins). Which leads me to my next point...

10 Favourite Leonardo DiCaprio Performances

Today is Leonardo DiCaprio's 38th birthday. Even though he is a bit too "give me an Oscar" these days, he is still my favourite actor. I've seen most of his films, especially since I started my infatuation with him in 2009. Even though I wasn't around during Leo Mania (well, I was, but I was like two so that doesn't count), Leo has been plastered over my schoolbooks and walls and everywhere I could fit a piece of him. So I suppose that it is time for me to share a little love for my favourite performances of his, which I've whittled down to ten. Which was actually harder than I thought it would be. Here they are, ranked. And there's not Titanic.

The Basketball Diaries is a film I saw long ago, right in the throes of my obsession, and one which I haven't really thought about since I saw it. It stars a 20 year old Leo (and Mark Wahlberg, back in his Marky Mark days) as poet Jim Carroll, in his early years as a drug addicted teen. The film isn't all that fantastic - nor is it very memorable - but young Leo totally commands the screen as he stands on the precipice of becoming the next big teen thing. Which is why I adore him: he was quite a talented teen sensation.

Even though Inception is probably my favourite film of Leo's, I admit that this isn't really an actors film. There are a few scene-stealers, namingly Cillian Murphy's blue eyes and the teasing between Eames and Arthur, but Leo commands the screen from start to finish. It isn't his best "dead wife" performance, but it is damn good. Plus, his appearance in this spawned quite a few memes (where would life be without the Strutting Leo?!) and everyone started realising how unlucky he was when he wasn't one of the thousand Inception cast members called back for The Dark Knight Rises. Don't worry Leo, I still love you.

I remember when I first saw Blood Diamond - I was so shocked by how brutal it was. Time has passed since then and I've seen a lot more brutality on screen, but I still remember Leo's performance, which was also his last Oscar-nominated turn. As a person from NZ who already stakes a claim on having the worst accent in the world, I didn't know how authentic Leo's African accent was, but he tried. And he tries a lot during this movie, too. That's not to say that he doesn't succeed, because he's pretty badass in this.

You know how everyone my age goes on about people having "swag"? The ultimate swag-meister was Frank Abagnale, a guy who managed to pull off a whole lot of cons. Leo plays Abagnale in Steven Spielberg's Catch Me If You Can, bringing swag to a whole new level. He's having just as much fun as Abagnale did before he got, well, caught. One of the funniest things about this movie, however, stems from that whole "Bad Luck Leo" thing - he stars in a movie called Catch Me If You Can. Gets caught.

No, J. Edgar wasn't a good movie. Not even close. I saw the trailer and thought that this would be Leo's Oscar time. Then the reviews came in. Then I realised that Gary Oldman wouldn't get a nomination if Leo did (that was also when I thought Michael Fassbender would get nominated...good times). Then I started realising what a shameless Oscar campaign J. Edgar was. Then I started mocking the trailer at work. Then I saw the film. Leo should've got an Oscar nomination, but only if Michael Fassbender was in there too. Leo's work was actually pretty good, and definitely showed how serious this guy can get. Maybe he gets a little too serious, though...

Martin Scorsese's The Departed is a damn fantastic movie, featuring damn fantastic performances from one of the best ensembles we've had recently. It is hard to say who is the stand out (but I do have a soft spot for Mark Wahlberg in this movie), but Leo's performance as the on-edge Billy Costigan is wonderful. He's just got so much angst inside of him. And then there's that ending...

Leo's latest collaboration with Martin Scorsese, Shutter Island, was met with a pretty lukewarm reception, but I've seen love for his psychological horror grow. And I admit, I was one of those people who gave it a lukewarm reception in the beginning, but I absolutely adore it now. Leo's performance in this ended up getting overshadowed by the box office prowess of his other 2010 "dead wife" movie Inception and the fact that it was released so early in the year, but it deserved to be in contention in the 2010/2011 Oscar season. He plays Teddy Daniels beautifully, playing out all of the confusion that we feel as an audience.

Leo's performance in Revolutionary Road needs only to be summed up by one moment: the look he has at the end *SPOILER* when April dies. *SPOILER ENDS* Seriously, that devastated me more than anything I've ever seen in my life. While Kate Winslet seems to have got all the acclaim for her performance in this film, but Leo is just as good - if not better. It is a subtle performance, which ends up exploding at the end. It is actually quite frightening to watch, and it was definitely not the Titanic follow-up that people were hoping for.

I have loved The Aviator ever since I first saw it. Howard Hughes was a fascinating man, and this slick biopic was just as fascinating. What was even more fascinating was Leo's performance, which is so precise, slick and all encompassing. Leo totally immersed himself in the role, to the point that I could no longer see any trace of Leo in him. It was such a shame that he didn't get any more than that Golden Globe. But hey, in Leo terms, that's better than nothing.

My favourite performance of Leo's is one of his first ones. I've talked about it so much before, but his work in What's Eating Gilbert Grape is just amazing. Every positive adjective in the world wouldn't be enough to describe how great it is. He deserved that Oscar. Even if Ralph Fiennes also deserved it. That's like, the hardest match-up ever...then again, I see why they chose Tommy Lee Jones, because then they didn't need to choose between either of them.

Happy Birthday, Leo! Maybe an Oscar will be coming your way if you're extra amazing in Django Unchained? What are your favourite Leo performances?

Just coz that makes me LOL. Leo don't have time for your shit.

Dear Hollywood: J. Edgar

After a ton of Thursday nights being filled with the sarcasm of Christopher, it's time for him to take a break. I mean, he's had to talk to the likes of Jack and Jill, Breaking Dawn Part 1 and New Year's Eve this time around, so I think he needs to get his brain back together. However, while he's not making the rounds (I promise that he'll come back in the future), I have a new feature to keep your laughing gear warm and toasty on Thursdays (well apart from next Thursday, since I'll be watching The Dark Knight Rises): 'Dear Hollywood'. How does it work? Well, you know those columns with the 'agony aunts' that go:
Dear Agony Aunt,
I'm always cold. What do I do?
From I. C. Colde.
That's basically what this is all about. But we're putting it in the context of a movie, and Hollywood will be replying to the sender. Let me just get into my Dear Hollywood all about J. Edgar, and hopefully it will make a little more sense!

Dear Hollywood, 

I've been an actor for quite some time now. In fact, in 1993 I was given an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor for my performance in What's Eating Gilbert Grape as Johnny Depp's mentally retarded brother. A lot people said I had class, and that I could be a contender. In 1997, I starred in a small independent film called Titanic. A few people went to go see it. You know that Justin Bieber fella? Well back in the day, I used to be as popular as him. In fact, there was Leo-Mania sweeping the woman-folk back in the 90s. After spending a lot of time letting the hotness waft off me, I decided that I needed to become more serious. So I started being in serious films. I got a couple of Oscar nominations. That wasn't enough though. I started starring in lots of movies where I have a dead wife. Apparently no-one likes that. I cry a lot in my films. NO ACTOR CRIES MORE THAN ME! People on the internet always highlight the fact that I do so much to get Oscars, but no-one else cares about me. What do I do to get that damn Oscar?

Yours sincerely,
Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio

Lame Trailer Clichés: Dramatic Scenes Involving Glasses

Okay, I don't have glasses, but I've always thought that if you needed glasses it may be better if you keep them on while you look at something amazing. Because then, you know, you may be able to see what is so amazing. But not in movies, no. A sign of something being a deeply dramatic moment is shown by the character taking off their glasses to take off the amazing sight they're about to behold. If my idea of having glasses is right, that sight may be a little blurred. To heighten the drama, these scenes are planted into the trailer, just to make things extra exciting. For example:

We see just how buff little old Steve Rogers has become in Captain America...

Okay, I know they're only sunglasses, but Howard Stark is threatening his eyes with the bright radiance coming off Cap's pecs...

This guy has the right idea, though. He thought he might take off his glasses too, but then he though "nah, I actually wanna see my handiwork". Smart guy...