Nic November: Gone in 60 Seconds and Lord of War

Just in case you didn't get the message in my last "Dipping My Toes" post, November will be dedicated to the work of everyone's favourite actor, Nicolas Cage. Throughout the month, I will be subjecting myself willingly watching eight Nicolas Cage movies, so I can figure out whether I love him or I hate him. Starting off the month I have 2000's Gone in 60 Seconds and 2005's Lord of War. Brace yourself, this is going to be an interesting month...

Also, while we're at it, this month I'll be giving all of the Nic November movies their own specialised ratings. They're called the "Cage Rage" scales, which I used a long time ago, but am bringing back for this. You'll see them below, but the more on the Cage Rage scale, the more raged it is. It isn't a reflection on how good the movie is, just how crazy Cage is.

The Hairstyle: Yes, Peroxide Makes Me Look More Badass.

Gone in 60 Seconds is exactly the kind of movie that they play thousands of times on TV, pretending like it is a "Premiere Movie" when in reality, it has been a "Premiere Movie" the first 13 times they played it on a Saturday night. But that doesn't matter, because it is so forgettable that people will go on thinking that it is a "Premiere Movie" until the Friends reruns stop being aired at 6.30pm every weeknight.

Great Names, Awful Movies: The Tourist and The Dilemma

I used to think that movies would be amazing because they had so many great names floating around them. I miss those days. Now it just seems like...well, there aren't any major components that could make you think a film is amazing even before seeing it.

Ah...so, I watched The Tourist and The Dilemma just recently and even though these films should be highly regarded due to their star power, the rest of the material doesn't possibly match up. In fact, the material is more disastrous than the average no-star straight-to-DVD flick.

The Tourist

The 'knowable' stars: Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany.
The director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, who directed the Oscar winning The Lives of Others.

What people would think of the cast: Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie are probably the two most recognizable names in the world. Johnny's been sexy est. 1980-something and Angelina Jolie is the one with all the kids, yes? And, well, a lot of people stuck in the 90s think they're a pretty good looking duo. It probably helps that various set photos popped up in all the woman's magazines every week.
What it looks like: From the poster, one would think that The Tourist would be a suave, beautiful and elegant piece of expensive drama. Though, you could say, from a quick read of the synopsis, that this is a highly intelligent romance thriller harking back to the 60's.
What it actually is (in one sentence): A muddled thriller of sorts, with an awful twist...if this was supposed to be a comedy, it would succeed in the way it's unintentionally hilarious.
What's wrong with it: Mainly the chemistry between the stars. You'd think that the two would be professional enough to get a little bit of love between them, but they are like cousins from opposite ends of the family in this one. Speaking of those actors...their performances are absolutely terrible. Johnny Depp was as exciting as James Franco was at the Oscars. Angelina Jolie was half asleep and kept trying to do this sexy smoulder that looked like an evil squint. She just swanned around in gorgeous clothes like she owned the place...which unfortunately, she didn't own anything.

The script is a real clunker, too. A five year old could have written it better. Instead of being edge-of-your-seat stuff, it was more edge-of-your-sanity...the script was just atrocious to hear. The plot twist at the end was juvenile...absolutely juvenile. It was like something I thought of when I was 7 and playing an intense game of Saddle Club in the playground.
Did something go right? Yes. The cinematography was absolutely stunning and the music was very old fashioned, which was nice. It gave it a more stylish theme.
On a scale of 1-10, how ashamed should all involved be of this film? 8. But people still love Johnny Depp as long as he's being sexy and Angelina Jolie as long as she's with Brad Pitt.
Final words: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck...how could you?

What I got:

The Dilemma

The 'knowable' stars: Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Jennifer Connelly, Winona Ryder, Channing Tatum, Queen Latifah.
The director: Ron Howard, the Oscar winning director of A Beautiful Mind.

What people would think of the cast: It's a cast of levels. Vince Vaughn has a lot of fans, apparently. He's always starred in funny movies and even though he looks very serious, he's been like the more mature version of Adam Sandler. Kevin James has a big following, too, because he's down with the LOL fans. There's your funny leads. For the lady power, there is Jennifer Connelly and Winona Ryder. Connelly will always be the chick from Labyrinth and Ryder will always be the chick from Edward Scissorhands, but they've both grown up to be respectable actresses. On the next level are the funny little people who are given small roles. Channing Tatum is busy creating a strange resume for himself and a comedy surely wouldn't hurt his fans. Queen Latifah...well, if you put Queen Latifah in a movie, there is some chance of it being funny.
What it looks like: It looks like a nice comedy of errors which probably has a lot of memorable quotes. And plus, it has a familiar situation which is sure to get a few laughs.
What it actually is (in one sentence): An inconsistent mess that can't decide whether it wants to be a comedy or a drama...and it's really hard to get in to.
What's wrong with it: It's a premise which tires quickly, and it has a lot of feeble attempts at keeping the viewer in the film. You'd think it would be pretty funny, but it's hard to know when it's okay to laugh in this movie. There's a joke that seems funny at first, but then it has such a negative context to it you can't actually find the strength to laugh at it. It just doesn't feel right to call this a comedy at all.

There's a strange subplot about Ronny (Vaughn) having a gambling addiction. It just doesn't work with the rest of the film, because it seems too serious and when they do mention it, it's thrown around like a ball in the park. That only further shows that the movie is messy and it really doesn't have much control. Which is why it is so hard for anyone to get involved.
Did something go right? Enough. The cast are still likeable. Channing Tatum was particularly entertaining. And it wasn't exactly painful to watch.
On a scale of 1-10, how ashamed should people involved be of this film? 6. I doubt that this would even be popular, as it seemed to pass by somewhat unnoticed and everyone has forgotten about it now. I'm sure everyone will keep their cool and move on.
Final words: Ron Howard, it's nice to see your back doing comedy, but can you at least get the script proof-read first?

What I got:

DVD--Salt

or: The female Jason Bourne.

One word to sum it up: Popcorn-worthy.

It hasn't been Angelina Jolie's year. Both the movies she has been in this year, Salt and The Tourist were heavily publicized through tabloid magazines while she was filming them. That made everyone aware of these projects, but by the time they were released, everyone was somewhat disappointed (especially with The Tourist). However, despite it's many flaws, Salt is still a marvellously entertaining film, and a welcome return for Jolie back to what she does best: kicking butt. This may just be a huge star vehicle for her, but she manages to give it her all and her dedication is what makes this movie work.

Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) is a CIA agent and highly respected by all, including her boss, Ted Winter (Liev Schreiber). Out of the blue, a Russian spy walks into their offices and offers a vital piece of information: the President of Russia will be assassinated during his forthcoming visit to New York City to attend the funeral of the recently deceased U.S. Vice President. The name of the assassin: Evelyn Salt. Concerned about the safety of her husband, who she cannot contact, she goes on the run. Winter refuses to accept that she is a mole or a double agent but her actions begin to raise doubts. Just who is Evelyn Salt and what is she planning?

If Jason Bourne was a woman, then Evelyn Salt would be the result. She's pretty much invincible and intelligent, seems to know everything that is coming for her, wants her identity back and has the strangest tactics. However, unlike Jason Bourne, Evelyn Salt is totally unbelievable. She jumps on to a moving truck, unscathed. She kills several people within a few seconds, unscathed. She leads a whole lot of people on a merry chase right through a city, unscathed. Okay, she doesn't look perfect by the end of the movie, but the scriptwriters often mistake the audience to be stupid and try to portray Salt as iron woman. Sure, she is very intelligent, but I doubt a woman of Angelina Jolie's stature could take that much bashing in a day. Anyway, whatever Salt does in this movie is pretty entertaining.

Salt doesn't keep you guessing until the end, mainly because it has so many plot holes it's hard to keep track of what message the movie is trying to convey in several points. Unfortunately, the ending leaves little to be desired, but also has the promise for several more sequels in the future. Will Evelyn Salt become the new hero for the future? I doubt it. This first movie is a little too popcorn instead of thought provoking. Hidden behind all those glorious action sequences is a confused plot which never takes the time to slow down and tie up all the loose ends. Anyway, Salt is an action film which doesn't rely on blood and gore and offensive language to try and entertain us. It just entertains us by being the average blockbuster, and you can't really ask for more than that.


THE VERDICT: Light entertainment makes for Summer popcorn fun, but Salt is never fulfilling in any way. However, Angelina Jolie does a remarkably good job of keeping this movie afloat.

6/10